School and alcholohism or any other addiction?

[TokenHerbz]

so does drinking or being addicted to anything, as i would imagine, screws up your college.

I write here as a legit post and dont want it to be banned, I myself drink, alot.

I look for work, stressful something else, but i do want to do schooling pretty bad...

Iv'e tried AA alot and well, just wondering if anyone on this site went threw the same
what they did to over come it, etc,

maybe some ideas, options, etc, from anyone really, lets go..


We arn't here to discriminate but to help, thats what compsci.ca is about right?

a fellow member...

[Tony]

First thing that comes to mind is that Engineering students drink... a lot. It's a kind of "study hard, party hard" thing. Because of that it's hard to see borderline alcoholism cases.

Also, if I recall my Critical Thinking studies correctly, AA does not statistically help any more than people quitting on their own (something about their published statistics including only the group that has made it through the full program, not a proper scientific study with a control group). So if you don't feel that AA is helping -- don't let that get you down.

There have certainly been days when I felt like calling quits and knocking myself out for the evening with a drink. It's mostly about stress management. Taking less classes helps. Time management (starting on assignments early) helps. Doing enjoyable hobbies helps. Bonus points if the hobbies can be mistaken for exercise. I've taken the route where mental health and personal well-being has been given a higher priority than it used to be -- less mental crashes do wonders.

Just to throw some controversy into the mix (as those make the best discussions) -- whatever substance is being abused: alcohol/weed/etc., consider trying the other one instead. They all have different modes of action, but the purpose is essentially the same -- reduction of stress via (some) relaxation.

If that makes sense (I would imagine there are different reasons for substance abuse), you can try to both find other ways of dealing with stress (hobbies, activities, healthy living), and reducing the amount of stress you are exposing yourself in the environment (less classes, less exposure to the kinds of people that upset you, etc).

[Dan]

TokenHerbz @ 6th April 2011, 11:33 pm wrote:

so does drinking or being addicted to anything, as i would imagine, screws up your college.

Addictions tend to scew up everything in your life, college included.

Quote:

Iv'e tried AA alot and well, just wondering if anyone on this site went threw the same
what they did to over come it, etc,

I have never gone through anything like this my self, but i have hured alot of shady things about AA (bascily being a cult). Personaly if I needed help in that area i would try to find a secular alternative.

You may want to check out this group: http://www.sossobriety.org

They have groups in canada including toronto and other areas.


Also if you do get accpected into a unversity, many of them offer health services for students including addiction realted issues. If you are planing in staying in residence, many unversities have ones designed achlohol free. Your best bet if you do go, would be staying away from groups that tend to do alot of "partying" well seeking help at the same time. Also if you would be living with anyone, make sure they don't drink.


Some other links:

Top 7 Best Alcoholics Anonymous Alternatives List
Alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous

[TokenHerbz]

thanks, I suppose also i find the main thing for me to ontop of stress, i generally can cope okay with it but i find it really depressing not having friends out here like before.

Not depressing, but wishing i had a friend, if that makes sense. I grew up on PCs and pretty much a loner kinda guy that doesn't know how to meet people but i been finding myself just doing nothing productive at night in my room, alone.

So i'll defiantly go over these links, i do want to focus on school and things like that but im just wanting to really manage this better, ya know.

Last time i went down this path it costed me my job, house, and money. So i'm aware that im going threw a "relapse". My Ex girlfriend I met while on that rocky road helped me out alot and i chose to be with her instead, got a new job and straightened my life up for 3years, but alas, EX, and i moved away to try schooling out so yeah, just hoping i don't repeat history.

What kinds of daily activities do you guys do by yourself that doesn't involve "computers", perhaps some ideas? I'm aware on campus and schools there are groups etc, but i'm not a registered student yet and my class wouldn't start for a few months.

I might try Tony's idea because it makes alot of sense, Maybe a gym to get healthier feeling and out and pro-active would do me a world of wonders. Maybe i'll meet someone to socialize there to, i think thats what the problem is, i dont have someone to socialize with. sounds weird but every day i mean i talked to my gf, we where best friends, thats hard to lose.

thanks again for the links

[Tony]

My socializing skills could also use some improvement...

Having a roommate could help. Having co-workers live nearby helps (during one of my internships, my mentor lived in the same apartment building, just a floor below, so I'd regularly head over to his place to play some video games).

It'd kind of odd, but it's easier to form social groups, when everyone is in a similar kind-of-alone situation (I guess everyone is more open to meeting new people). During internships all the co-ops would naturally get together (oh, you're in University too? excellent, lets hang out).

There are various groups/clubs outside of Universities. At some points I've tried: parkour (a very good community formed around the club, and it's easy to organize activities outside of gym's hours), fencing (there's nothing like stabbing each other with swords to form lasting friendships), and starting a band with a premise of "all instruments must be electric and no member must have played their instrument before" (it was terrible, but fun). Of course I mostly hang out with fellow CS students, and we still code a lot, so we'd at least try to hang out together at a coffee shop and code "socially". It's a start. (also, if you spend enough time at any one particular place to become "a regular", you could maybe meet some people through that.)

[2goto1]

I don't have any addiction although I do suffer from public speaking anxiety. I've done a lot of stuff to reduce it though...I hope some of these ideas help you like they helped me...

Even if you don't have a specific hobby that you enjoy, a random club or team sport might be worth trying out. There's a lot of socializing that happens through those.

Another good idea that can not only help you to feel better today, but can help your professional career is to try getting the name / number / email of at least one new person a day, by initiating a conversation. It might sound like a lot but realistically, we all run into way more than 365 people a year.

Complacency breeds anxiety. Try doing something out of your comfort zone as much as possible. Try joining a debate club or a public speaking club if you're really afraid to speak in public, for example. Clubs are always open and understanding to that kind of stuff.

They all might sound like hard things but if you constantly practice them, momentum builds and it gets easier.

[apython1992]

@TokenHerbz: I agree with the comments above. Socializing is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself. I graduated high school last June and took a year off to work and do other various personal things before going to university next year, and I can certainly understand what it's like to be lonely, most of my friends having left for university elsewhere. I think going to the gym regularly would do wonders before your classes start; it's actually magical what exercise can do for your mood. Or better yet, now that the weather is getting nicer, take your exercise outside. Nothing makes me feel better than a solid bike ride/jog through nature.

I don't think that drinking to relieve stress is a problem until it becomes excessive, and the only way you know how to be happy. As others have mentioned, AA would probably not be the best option for you. After regularly exercising for a couple weeks, you'll have found a new addiction! You'll start to become aware at how much better your body functions (even simple things, liking breathing just ridiculously slowly when you sleep) and I find that exercise curbs the appetite for alcohol. That's not to say you're not going to want to enjoy a couple drinks now and then (I know I do), but your concern with how you feel about your physical well-being will almost certainly help you out there.

[TokenHerbz]

Yeah thank you for those tips to i'll be looking for a club or something to join for sure.

Truth is i used to work out alot with a guy named johnathan but i don't really like doing that alone, and i have somewhat of a wicked bad social anxiety, its like i get really stupid or dont know how to talk to people or keep answers to one word replys, etc.

But i'll try that out yes, This is a big step forward in my life and just because im new to the area and feel alone doesn't mean i should destroy that!

Any and all other tips out there are most welcome .

I would also ask maybe, how you guys get to know other people, cause i tried the other day and i asked someone to go for a bike ride and check out a bird store and they walked away...

I attempt to over come my shyness and uncomfortableness but doesn't seem to help much cause i dont have alot of people skills.

could also relate to somewhat of a low self esteem i might have, but its weird cause i got the best self esteem with people i already know. again i think thats just anxiety from the situation.

[Tony]

It gets easier to meet people once you know some people... you can tap into their social circles. But I'd admit that those first few are a challenge. Asking a person you've just met to go somewhere seems kind of odd...

It usually helps if you've ran into the same person before a few times. Work, class, clubs make that happen. Just about any once place where you hang out constantly.

Another part to this would be overcoming your social anxieties. Timothy Ferriss' 4 Hour Work Week comes to mind... the book is mostly about how his work is really awesome, but it has a variety of gems, including "comfort challenges" -- http://fourhourworkweek.com/vBulletin/archive/index.php/t-4905.html The idea is to set out goals that will challenge yourself and social norms, for the sake of practice and getting over your anxieties. My personal interpretation is adding a bit of weird to this world. Wear a funny hat. Do something ridiculous. I have a Hello Kitty VISA card http://www.gizmodiva.com/other_stuff/bank_of_america_hello_kitty_debit_and_credit_cards.php it alone starts _so many conversations_.

[TokenHerbz]

thanks tony' i'll try this.

i did think it was kinda odd after the person walked away but yeah, not abnormal for me.

I'll try reading those 2 links, and test them out and report back how it goes!

/cheers

[SNIPERDUDE]

Don't worry about this affecting your entire life, social anxiety does go away in time if you give it a try. Though it may have taken me years, I'm now at the point where I just have a charisma that I can talk to random people (like on a bus) and not freak out over it.

How bad did my social anxiety used to be? Well, I was adopted. And my self-defence mechanism was to hide from everything. I don't even remember the first 10 years of my life, my brain just blocked it or let go of it. Anyway this upbringing, and all the moving led to a serious case of shyness. I am told by my grandparents that when I first met them, I just kept hiding behind chairs and couches, always staying hidden from everyone.

Point of the story, it doesn't matter how bad you have it, give it time and a good few tries, it can be overcome.

No regrets.

[CodeMonkey2000]

About meeting people, I try to sit around random people, and spark a conversation. Be friendly. The hardest part is trying to keep the convo going, or finding something to talk about. But it seems like complaining about assignments (even if you don't agree) is the easiest way to get someone talking. Also, at any institution there are usually study rooms, with tutors for specific courses. This is another good place to find people. I was pretty shy, but not as much anymore. But I think orientation week was really helpful for that lol. You meet a tonne of people in a very short amount of time. I didn't live on rez though, and now I regret it. Then again, I couldn't afford it anyway. I'm still pretty shy, but I kinda like talking to people now.

[Tony]

This Reddit thread could be useful to the whole "how do I become social?" thing -- http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gmugo/reddit_i_am_a_longtime_loner_who_wants_to_do_a/

as I've already said

Quote:

Classmates, coworkers and roommates are the shortcut to a social life.

See if there's anything on http://www.meetup.com/ for your area.