Joke Thread

[karljoesen]

Ok, everyone knows at least one joke, so why not START A THREAD...
So - a party of explorers in Africa are walking through the jungle when one of them (let's call him Steve) gets grabbed by a huge gorilla and dragged off into the depths of the jungle before any others in the party can react.
Anyway, the next few days were hell on Earth for poor Steve as the huge primate slapped him around and used him to satisfy certain carnal appetites (and it was one HUNGRY gorilla).
For 6 days the ape didn't let Steve out of his site. Steve tried to sneak off whenever the gorilla was asleep , but was always caught, slapped and rodgered over again.
Finally, on the seventh day the gorilla went off to get some food, so Steve took his chance and limped off in the opposite direction.
Steve was in a bad way - he wasn't the biggest of blokes and he'd taken some beatings - so by the time he got back to base camp it was 7 days later and he was crawling on all fours.
As soon as his colleagues saw him approaching they ran out. 'Thank God you're OK Steve, we though we'd seen the last of you, what happened?'
Steve recounted his harrowing tale, much to the shock and horror of his colleagues.
'Bloody hell Steve, that sounds terrible, are you hurt?' asked Bill (or was it Doug?)
'Hurt?! HURT?!!' exclaimed Steve 'Of course I'm FUCKING hurt. It's been a week since I ran off - he hasn't texted, phoned, nothing...'

[DtY]

- A SQL query goes into a bar, walks over to two tables and says "can I join you?"

- 0x2B | ~0x2B, that's 0xFF

- Free the mallocs!

- A programmer's wife asked him to go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get six.

He came home later with seven loaves of bread.

[SNIPERDUDE]

Haha, I rather enjoyed the SQL one! +karma just for that.
Here's a funny XKCD.

[USEC_OFFICER]

+All my bits for giving me the nerdyest (nerdiest? nerdest?) joke website ever.

[chrisbrown]

They aren't jokes but they're thoroughly entertaining.

Bastard Operator from Hell

[Draymire]

-Why doesn't a Keyboard get tired?

because it has two shifts

-Why can't a Keyboard Fly?

because it doesn't have an F16

-There are 10 types of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those that don't.

[USEC_OFFICER]

There are 11 types of people in the world:

People who can count in binary and those who make stupid jokes. I make those kind of jokes.

(I'm making fun of those types of jokes, not you so nobody flags this)

[DtY]

There are actually two kinds of people, there are also those who understand ternary.

[Turing_Gamer]

Quote:

A computer salesman, a hardware engineer, and a software engineer are driving in a car together. Suddenly the right rear tire blows out, and the car rolls to a stop. Our three heroes pile out to investigate.

The salesman announces sadly, "Time to buy a new car!"

Says the hardware engineer, "Well, first let's try swapping the front and rear tires, and see if that fixes it."

Replies the software engineer, "Now, let's just try driving the car again, and maybe the problem will go away by itself."

More where this came from right here