This "joke" is horribly old and keeps getting less and less clever/funny with every new release. Here are just a few of the tons of variations on it.
Brownie points to the person that finds the horribly funny typo that makes the author look like an idiot.
Windows XP:
| c++: | /* Source Code - Windows XP */
#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#include "backdoor.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD
char make_prog_look_big(16000000);
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_100_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of-OS2();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();
disable_Netscape();
disable_RealPlayer();
disable_Lotus_Products();
hang_system();
} //if
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_31();
do_nothing_loop();
} // if
} //while
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,very_slow);
set_mouse(action,jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,sometimes);
} //if
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows XP");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp",O_CREATE);
while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
} // while
create_general_protection_fault();
} // main
|
Alternatively:
| c++: | #include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right \
or just call it Chicargo)\n");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system); |
Windows ME:
| c++: | ***********************************************************************
Mircosoft(r) Windows(tm) Millenium main programm Source Code
(c)copyright 2000 Mircosoft Corporation
This is closed-source software.
***********************************************************************/
#include "win30.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "winme.h"
#include "winnt40.h"
#include "winnt50.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#define INSTALL HARD
char make_prog_look_big[16000000];
ASSIMILATION_CLASS
WinMain (HINSTANCE hInstance, HINSTANCE hPrevInstance, PSTR szCmdLine, int iCmdShow)
{
char * eat_up_all_avail_mem;
eat_up_all_avail_mem = (char *)malloc (sizeof (free_mem ()));
if (free_HD_space () > 0)
create_swap_file (NULL, free_HD_space ());
if (!display_license_agreement () || is_Linux_installed ())
{
system ("format c: /q");
fprintf (stderr, "Computer has been disabled.");
exit (0);
}
while (!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message ();
display_bill_rules_message ();
do_nothing_loop ();
if (first_time_installation ())
{
make_1000_megabyte_swapfile ();
do_nothing_loop ();
totally_screw_up_EXT2_file_system ();
make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux ();
disable_Netscape ();
disable_RealPlayer ();
hang_system ();
}
write_something (anything);
display_copyright_message ();
do_nothing_loop (infinite);
do_some_stuff (nothing_really);
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message ();
do_nothing_loop ();
basically_run_windows_3.0 ();
do_nothing_loop ();
do_nothing_loop ();
}
}
if (detect_cache ())
disable_cache ();
if (fast_cpu ())
{
set_wait_states (lots);
set_mouse (speed, very_slow);
set_mouse (action, jumpy);
set_mouse (reaction, sometimes);
}
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 5.0"); */
/* printf ("Welcome to Windows 2000"); */
printf ("Welcome to Windows Millenium");
if (system_ok ())
crash (to_Blue_Screen_of_Death)
else
system_memory = open ("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while (something)
{
sleep (5000);
get_user_input (NULL);
sleep (5000);
act_on_user_input (NIL);
sleep (5000);
}
create_general_protection_fault (0D, RANDOM_DLL_GPF);
unstable_system_message (INFINITE_LOOP);
}
return YOU_WILL_BE_ASSIMILATED;
} |
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