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 LKF about My CompSci teacher OTD (get permission to post)
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:33 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

well it looks like i've gotta step up and make this better

Little Known Fact OTD (contd.): From last we left off, my comp sci teacher had just destroyed the 30 guards protecting Eduardo. Now, as he approached the doorway leading to the druglord himself (previously, he had had to rip off 3 fingernails from an elite guard in order to find this fact out), hidden underground in the catacombs of his lair, my teacher's eyes began to shine, and his face became set, determined to win no matter what the cost.

Opening the door, he found a man with his back turned to him, a large fur coat on his back. The room was large, with platforms, walls, and crates strewn about. Bullet holes could be seen in several structures. This was Eduardo's training grounds. Now it would be his deathbed.

"Signor, I take it you've come to bring me in?" A deep voice came from the man.
""No, I haven't come to take you back. I've come to kill you", my teacher began, in a calm voice.
"Kill me signor? You can't be serious. What gives you the right?"
"What gives you the right to use children as drug dealers? What gives you the right to kill innocent officers just to ship some damn blow?" My teacher's voice was deadly calm, though the grip on his guns tightened.
"Haha, I see now. Revenge for them, and revenge for your teammates?"
"Indeed, you know I must."
"Very well signor, but I won't come easy". He cast off his coat into the air, but when my teacher's eyes focused back to the druglord when the coat had fallen, he had disappeared.

"You had best begin to find me, we have a little over 20 minutes before the police come in to arrest me"
"I know. I also know that with your money you can easily get off easy" My teacher's eyes scanned the room. Shadows seemed to grow and shrink all around him.
"Ha ha ha", the man laughed, "you are certainly aware of what failure may cost you. But are you good enough to succeed?". Footsteps appeared above my teacher. But his shots only hit crates, and the footsteps continued.
"I hope you don't mind, killing always seemed easier with a little music." Suddenly, Crystal Method's "Replacement Killers" song blared from several hidden speakers.

"Jesus, this is beginning to feel like a videogame. This man's taking death like he has unlimited continues". Of course, as we all know later, Crystal Method would be the preferred artist for all late night fraggers (die Chemical Brothers).

Suddenly, my teacher's ears pricked up: he heard a gun click. Diving behind a wall just in time, he avoided the barrage of bullets from Eduardo. The druglord then pulled the pin from a grenade and tossed it to my teacher. Seeing it fall, my teacher fired several bullets at the grenade, detonating it in midair. Smoke clearing, he could not see where Eduardo went. Thus, he ran to another part of the room to hunt him down.

Eduardo was hiding behind a wall, looking for my teacher. But my teacher had hidden from another angle, and was able to see directly at Eduardo. He steadied his gun, and prepared for the killing shot, when Eduardo reached into his pockets and took out a small object. Throwing the smoke bomb down, he was instantly covered in grey gas. My teacher tried to fire, but only heard metal hitting metal for his reward. Suddenly, Eduardo was standing above my crouched figure, and delivered a swift axe kick onto his head. Then he brought out his gun and was about to fire, but my teacher got up and sweep-kicked him. Eduardo tripped, and my teacher fired. Again, he hit nothing but metal, as the druglord had somehow disappeared into the shadows.

Going down a level, my teacher spotted him reloading his gun. My teacher rushed forward, guns ablaze, as the man began to run. My comp sci teacher thought he'd get him this time, for he had no other place to go. But the man kept running and dodging his bullets, and even began to pick up speed. Nearing the wall, he suddenly leapt up, and ran up the wall and flipped himself backwards. My teacher, looking up, saw his gun pointed straight at him, so he dived behind a wall. Eduardo landed, and threw a grenade behind the wall. As the debris settled and the smoke cleared away, my comp sci teacher was not dead on the ground. Boiling with rage, Eduardo slunk back into the shadows.

The final confrontation occured when they had met in the main corridor of the room, their guns firing at one another. Neither was hurt, but both were very tired. Suddenly, Eduardo kicked a switch to his right, and a giant crate was released right above my teacher's head. Diving out of the way, he allowed his left hand to be shot, the gun flying into the darkness. Having no choice but to run, he ran towards another corridor, with Eduardo hot on his heels.

Although the darkness should've proved a cover for him, my teacher had not counted on his bleeding left arm to make a trail for Eduardo to follow. Thus, every time he stopped he was almost immediately found by Eduardo, and was forced to shoot his way to escape again. He knew he'd have to devise a plan to throw Eduardo off his feet.

Eduardo had again found the bloody trail, but before he found my teacher, the trail stopped. Wondering what could've become of him, Eduardo continued to search for my teacher. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the dark bullet-proof vest my teacher wore. Spinning in place, he let loose 2 full clips, only there was nobody wearing the vest. It had simply been stacked vertical to a nearby crate. Angry and frustrated, Eduardo let loose a cry; this was about the time he heard the running footsteps. Before he could spin again and shoot, my teacher launched a jumping sidekick, knocking the gun out of the druglord's hand and leaving him sprawled on the ground. Immediately my teacher put him in a complicated hold, with my teacher's knee on top of Eduardo's throat. The druglord fought with all his might, but the Karate grapple my teacher learned was plenty strong enough to hold him down.

"Don't move, or else I'd hate to accidentally kill you" My teacher said into Eduardo's ear. Eduardo was raging now, screaming and fighting, his eyes burning with hatred for my teacher, who had broken into the invincible fortress and killed all his loyal guards.

"20 seconds left", my teacher said, and took out his gun. Placing the barrel on Eduardo's heart, he emptied his clip. Eduardo shook for a moment, but then became silent and cold underneath my comp sci teacher, his puddle of blood rapidly becoming larger.

Breathing a sigh of relief, my comp sci teacher fell to the ground beside Eduardo, his energy drained from him, but his mind at ease. If he was going to die, he would die in peace, knowing that his job was complete.

Of course, he wouldn't die, and later woke up in a hospital, his hand bandaged and his body clean of blood. He saw on his table a letter from the UN Secretary General awarding him no medal, but an honorary discharge from duty as Gold Team leader. Hey, they had to repay him for foolishly signing him up. The UN general said that my comp sci teacher was such a hero that two plucky reporters for CNN wanted to interview him. It was these reporters who would go on to create the mod for Counter strike.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:35 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Mad Running out of ideas, starting to get long-winded.

If you've any good ideas (seriously, good ideas), then PM me and I'll make'em happen.

I'm thinking of a National Geographic adventure for my next post.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:41 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Think of this as LKFOTD Lite Blowing up
and check out Compsci's cool smilies!
    My comp sci teacher actually invented ICQ as a means of mocking the other person's typing skill/speed. MSN only shows you after "Enter" is pressed, so how would you find out that your friends type at 15 WPM?

    My comp sci teacher once ran with the bulls. He managed to lead 15 bulls into a local slaughterhouse, where he was awarded with 100 pounds of steak, hamburger and sausages.

    My comp sci teacher seconded Nintendo's decision to release Virtual Boy. According to my teacher, the headset fit better than his glasses and the lasers were gently "massaging" your corneas. If you can only see red and black nowadays or just want your money back, contact him.

    My comp sci teacher's car was actually modified from a CAA student driving car. Except the second wheel is actually a targeting system for his hamster-launcher and sulfuric acid dispenser. He says it's for one day when he snaps and he'll go after all the Battle.Net assholes who dropped him in Starcraft.

    My comp sci teacher was once a photographer for National Geographic. On a trip to the Amazon, he spotted the elusive Spitting Jaguar. Upon seeing it, the jaguar pounced on my teacher and was prepared to kill him. My teacher kicked him off, and faced him down, putting him in a Full Nelson to subdue him then into a Camel Leg Hold as his team put a cage over him. However, as a last resort, the jaguar spat its venom into my teacher's face, where the venom worked its way into the teacher's brain and removed the very memory of this encounter. Only by seeing his own video of the incident was my teacher able to remember this incident.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2003 6:59 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

waddup fools this one goes out to a friend of mine who suggested it.
and sorry for not updating, i had quite a few unsexy tests to do.

Little Known Fact OTD: a friend of mine was recently enjoying his butter, when he spied the label on it "McKenzie butter". Intrigued, he asked me to do some further investigation. This is what I found.

The McKenzie clan was a Scottish clan in its roots. They were generally happy folk who liked beer, women, and funny languages. They also happened to be the strongest clan in Scotland. Their secret? A secret technique which they applied to their butter-churning, resulting in a monopoly rivalling Microsoft. As you well know, the Scottish love their muffins, potatoes, bread and cream sauces, and they only acknowledged the best.

The other Scottish clans were jealous. Thus they combined together to form the Brotherhood, and spent years training their best assassins to kill the top leaders of the McKenzie clan.

When my comp sci teacher was but 5, he was attending a fantastic family picnic where everyone was enjoying their buttery scones and creamy Fettucine Alfredo (captured an Italian they did). Suddenly, 5 burly men came walking up to the group. They stood, there, the eyes gleaming with malice and anger. Suddenly, a strong wind picked up, and it blew the men's kilts up in the air. But instead of encountering a gross sight of their genitals, the wind exposed their guns, several strapped into the kilts. The assassins struck with no mercy, slaughtering the young and innocent, and stealing all the tasty butter cookies for themselves (BASTARDS!!) . The men tried to fight them off, but to no avail: log tossing hadn't translated well into self-defense. Finally, the last of the McKenzie clan's leader, my comp sci teacher's father, took my teacher with him and ran into one of their nearby butter-churning houses and approached a nearby churn. There, he removed a charm necklace which all the leaders wore: a tiny silver eyeglass (much like the one my teacher wears), and whispered something into the glasses. Then he threw it into the butter churn.

Then he knelt down beside my teacher and told him what he'd done. He said that he threw the most sacred of the McKenzie treasures into their sacrireligious butter. Here it would lie, until the chosen McKenzie would discover his true heritage, and the emblem would know. At that time it would return to the owner and bestow the person with all the powers of the former leaders, as well as giving life to each stick of butter, so as to create an unstoppable army of creamy soldiers.
His father said that in order for the enemy to be unable to capture my teacher, he would have to erase his memory and transport him using magic to a shell family. Bidding him goodbye, he waved his hand over my teacher's head, whereas he promptly fell asleep and woke up the next morning in the bed of a family from South Dakota. Needless to say, his father fought bravely (scarring two assassins in the face with hot butter), but still massacred.

So when will my comp sci teacher realize his powers? When will he realize that the strongest clan in Scotland still awaits for his return? Who knows. Until then, enjoy the kickass butter.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:36 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Thanks for sharing that useless fact Dauntless. Despite the popularity of this topic (yeah right, more like me clicking Back and Forward constantly), this isn't the right place to advertise.

Little Known Fact OTD: while observing my comp sci teacher's uncanny knack for decapitating delicious baked turkey's, I wondered to myself how did he attain such a skill. Upon further investigation into his seedy past, I discovered that his mission against Eduardo wasn't his first and last as Gold Team Leader! There was actually a mission/initiation that he did beforehand.

Obviously there was one official in the UN who wasn't so boneheaded as to let a young teenager become Gold Leader. Thus, he sent my teacher into a mission where he was to eliminate a local Yakuza-wannabe gang who had set up shop in Toronto.

The hideout of this Yakuza gang was located in a large trendy nightclub appropriately named "Wasabi and Kunai". As the large black van belonging to the UN drove by the entrance several times, my comp sci teacher readied his only weapon: an army knife. Yes, that hardass from the UN was so intent on proving my teacher's worth that he only gave him a knife (and several tools you'll find out later). As the van swung by the entrance for the 5th time, one of the men opened the door. Immediately, my teacher leapt out the car and rolled along the street.

Spying two burly guards "bouncing" at the door, he unsheathed his knife and tripped the nearest guard. As he fell, he leapt up and slashed the other guard's neck and stabbed his chest, then dropping with the other guard, stabbing him as he hit the ground.
Kneeling down, he cuts the right ears off the two guards. Of course, this may seem strange to you, but a once-in-a-lifetime experience like this should be remembered right? If you ever get the chance to go to his house, you should visit his basement, where he keeps each ear labelled in a seperate jar, submerged in a delicious marinara sauce (some in teryaki!).
Leaving the two bodies on the floor, he ran into the club, but not before sealing the doors with sealing foam.

Of course, since he killed the entrance guards before they had time to make radio contact (not to mention the trance music drowning out the screams), he caught the other guards by surprise. Slashing, stabbing, parrying, blocking a kick with a counter and then side swipe, uppercut stabs, blood flew from the bodies like juice from an orange. Once when confronted with two guards running at him from opposite directions, he launched the knife into one man's head, then running towards him, jumped up and kicked him, all the while pulling the knife out. Then, in mid-air, he flips behind the other guy and slits his throat. Or how about cutting off someone's hand, then taking the weapon lodged in the hand and killing the previous owner with it? Sick stuff, you know? Of course, the mission was made easier with the fact that all the gang members were 18-20 year olds whose only fighting experience came from button mashing with Eddy.

One of the main challenges in this mission was NOT to let any bystanders be injured. This, of course, proved pretty damn difficult. There were quite a few wannabe bystanders who enjoyed the Yakuza life so much they jumped into the fray to help the enemy, luckily the rave sticks and baby pacifiers which all clubbers where helped identify them to my comp sci teacher, who promptly knocked them unconcious with some well-placed acupuncture (best seen in Crouching Tiger). There were also quite a few who would be dragged away by members of the Yakuza, either because they're girlfriend's or blackmailed clients. Still, my comp sci teacher managed to dislodge the hostage from the enemy, either with a flying side kick, a knife hurl to the head, or running down an enemy and jumping off a wall to roundhouse kick him.

After a vicious knifefight with a former gigolo turned crimelord, Rainbow St.Clair, a fight where the boss managed to slice a gash into my teacher's side and right thigh. Of course, my teacher ended it in a dramatic fashion, by blocking a knife swipe with his hand, simultaneously popping the knife out of his hand and into the air while breaking all 5 fingers on the man's left hand, then when the knife falls back down, catches it and performs a 12 hit stab combo ending with a jumping back kick to the chest. His clothes ripped, his body bleeding, the knife PERMANENTLY stained with blood, he wipes his forehead, happy over a job well done. After collecting the ears of his enemies and shuffling the stoned ravers outside, he calls up the UN HQ, informing them of his mission outcome.

Obviously, after this mission they couldn't say no, and gave him that druglord mission which I posted earlier.

This, my friend, is where my comp sci teacher gained the ungodly ability to disembowel animal flesh.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2003 1:18 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Sorry for the delay folks, got quite a few tests.

Little Known Fact OTD: one year when my teacher was teaching comp sci, news spread that there was a missing individual, a prominent diplomat named Mark Shu. Word has it that he was captured by guerrillas in the jungle, and there was a nice bounty for his return.

Countries began to accuse one another of kidnapping, saying that they were just trying to stop peace deals because of their dictatorial ways. Tension was so thick you could pick it up with chopsticks, and news spread about arms being readied. The UN had to act fast, because they knew at any moment war could break out between the nations. Thus, they turned to my teacher, the former Gold Leader, for assistance.
Being the chivalrous, honorable person he is, he grimly accepted the mission. His students were worried that he would not be there to mark their half-assed, super-rushed binary tree assignments, but him, having a HUGE heart, extended the due date by 2 weeks. Leaving his room of cheering students, he left for the UN.

Suiting up in his stealth camouflage suit (later stolen by Konami for Solid Snake's outfit), he journeyed into the deep, dense jungles of Brazil. Upon entering the jungle, he asked a native where the stronghold was located. Though the native told him, he warned him that the place was heavily guarded, and nobody who had ventured in returned alive (cept for a delivery boy). Flashing his thumbs up, my comp sci teacher ventured in.

The jungle proved a helpful friend, as it allowed him to hide before striking at the guards. Slowly by surely he killed the outer rim and infiltrated the main hideout. Fighting his way through hordes of stupid guerrillas armed with an army knife and a Glock (and living off a steady diet of BoneFish), he captured an unlucky guard and tortured him into giving the location of Mark.

Finally, he had approached the door. Readying his pistol, he blew the door open and ran in. His laser sight searched the area, but the only thing it found was a haggard individual. A fat Chinese man with a scraggly beard, he was holding one hand up to the light to shield his eyes, and the other with an XBox controller.

"Jesus Christ, shut the damn door! I'm on my last mission of Halo!"
My comp sci teacher's eyes bulged out. "I .. I'm so-sorry ... Wh-what did you s-s-say?"
"Dammit boy, either close the door or get the hell out! How am I supposed to concentrate on annihilating the Covenant with glare?!" Mark looked up at my teacher, his angry eyes peering out from the mass of facial hair.
Anger and frustration was running through my teacher. Here was a man responsible for peace between nations, his disappearance had almost caused a war. He ran over to the tv, kicked it over, and back-kicked Mark onto the ground. He flipped behind Mark and caught him in a Chinese Headlock, where his left hand held his knife close to Mark's jugular.
"Are you telling me that those guards are YOUR guards?" Mark tried to break free, but my teacher only held the knife closer. Realizing he had no way out, he only nodded.
"You're telling me that those guards, THOSE guards YOU assigned to protect you while you played, WERE killing all those soldiers attempting to rescue YOU?" Mark nodded again.
"Why the hell would you do that? Why would you hide behind a wall of mercenaries just to play Halo?!" My teacher's hand shook violently as he asked the question.
"Because fool, I had to play games. I'm not normal like everyone else. I can't keep up with the daily stress of work and social interaction. Weekends just aren't enough. I had to leave everything behind, even if it meant not learning anything new for 3 weeks, or losing all my reputation and school marks (the real Mark Xu). I had to leave ... I had -"
Mark couldn't continue talking, because my teacher had just knocked him out with Chloroform. He was too disgusted to go on. He couldn't believe that there were people in the world that would take advantage of others, to give themselves rest at the expense of other's suffering, even his own suffering. So he dragged the unconcious Mark out of the jungle and back to the UN.

The UN, as punishment, allowed all of its ambassadors to make fun of Mark, and dropped his approval so low that Saddam would've had a better one if he had just joined.

So ends the tale of Mark, and the thrilling rescue mission by my teacher.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 25, 2003 6:26 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Sorry folks, when I'm done my dinner I'll write a Christmas edition. For now, blame the servers.

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher always likes to re-discover himself; he always likes to find a little part of himself hidden behind that ginormous brain. One interesting experience that he shared with me was when he lived with a family of beavers.

It was only a month after he started his first computer teaching job, a pretty shitty thing that stuck him in the slums of New York. Needless to say, he very quickly became frazzled and promptly took a vacation. So he went camping out in the beautiful North.

He was cooking some sausages over a pan when he'd spotted a family of beavers coming up from the pond. The little baby beavers making funny sounds as they lovingly followed their mother, who had lead them to a freshly gnawed down tree. The father was lying on top of a log, luxuriously smacking it with his tail as he watched his young. This image struck my teacher, and he dropped his pan and walked over to the mother. Clicking and squeaking, slapping his hands, my teacher asked if he could live with them for a few months, to escape the constricting environments in his life. The mother was a little hesitant, but the children were so happy to have another playmate, and the father happy to have a reason to expand his beaver den, that she gave in.

Those few months were very happy for my comp sci teacher. Stripping down to his skivvies, he swam with the beavers, his head bobbing in the water. He would help the beavers cut down trees, though his attempt to gnaw one down resulted in a sore jaw. So, using his karate skills picked up during his time travels, he leaps and performs a flying side kick, sending the 100 foot tree toppling to the ground, the forest shaking from the impact. My teacher would even help the beaver's pat down their den: while they used their tails to cement the mud in, he would rub mud all about his body and then flop vigorously on the wood. The raccoons, wolves and otters who would trouble the beavers were no match for the raw ferocity of my comp sci teacher, as his fists beat down on the bones, the sharp teeth no match for his shark skin, and their animal reflexes too slow to avoid his blows. The kits were ectastic over my teacher, as his unique appearance (at least to them), 2 thumbs and freakish height allowed an explosion of new games.

Of course, the worse time for him would be trying to eat what they eat. Sure, the berries and soft leaves are groovy, but my teacher couldn't expect his diet, let alone his teeth, to accept the hard Maple bark. Thus, he was forced wait until the night-time, when he would hide in the forest and kill a rabbit for nourishment. Obviously, he had a few close calls when the beaver's smelled burning wood and feared for the worst, but my teacher would simply assure them he had just killed the loggers.

But after a while, his natural talent called out to him. Though he tried to teach the young cubs the strategy behind recursion, they could only see a wrestling circle in his stick diagram. My teacher knew he had to get back to his students, no matter how bad they were. So he cleaned off the mud from his body, brushed his teeth, and bid farewell to the beaver family. Returning to his school, he discovered that it had burnt down after some foolish Engineering students created the ESD shock which started the fire. His new school, he was assured, would be stocked with kids smarter than those he taught, and the computers he'd be using only 6 years old.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 11:21 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher once won an annual chili cook-off. It was during a routine lunch with his fellow teachers when a women happened to read about a chili contest citywide. She said that the winner would receive a brand new computer with DSL service for 2 years and an external firewall. This obviously pricked up my teacher's ears, and he inquired when he should be there. The woman scoffed at him, saying that he could never make chili spicier and more delicious than Jacob's "Dragontongue" or even One-Tooth Sam's "Nerve Killer". My comp sci teacher wholeheartedly assured her he would win, and went home to begin. After all, he would only have 3 days to make it.

He immediately began reading all his recipe books on chili. Meticulously preparing each dish, he tried at least 30 different kinds, but none held that secret flavor that he knew he needed. They were all too bland, too simple, too hokey to be the one he'd call "A trip to Hell". In fact, the hot peppers he'd been using were sub-par.

Looking on the Internet, he came across a site on Geocities, on the very last page in Google. This site displayed pictures of a peculiar looking pepper, shaped like a human heart. The text said that in ancient times in Venezuela, where the pepper is grown, they would use the pepper's juices to burn through human flesh to get to the heart for sacrificial purposes. The test further said that anybody who wanted to purchase it would have to pay for the lead tank it came enclosed in. The text warned that sudden death could occur if too much was injested raw and would release a burning gas into the atmosphere. My comp sci teacher immediately placed an order for a crate and gleefully waited for the peppers to arrive.

One day, the peppers arrived in their crate. True enough, inside the crate was a lead box with a note on top saying "My God be with you". Casting it aside, he put on his rubber gloves and heaved up the box. Breaking open the dead bolt with a hammer, he peered inside. A bright red blinded his eyes for a second, and then the peppers appeared. The were just like the pictures, a dark red in the shape of a heart. Smoke was coming off the peppers, and they were vibrating very slightly. He had already prepared his own version of chili for the peppers, with ingredients including: coconut milk, 3 roses, beef from a sacred cow who lived in India, a batch of carrots and tomatoes stolen from the Prime Minister's house, and the salt dried from the saltwater at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

My comp sci teacher tried to cut the peppers, but the knive's evaporated when the blade came in contact with the pepper. Having no choice, he heaved a couple peppers into the pot. Instantly, a column of flame spouted from the mouth, and as the peppers sank to the bottom, bubbles appeared at the surface. When these bubbles popped, they sounded like the screams of a tortured man. The pot's very metal began to leak. At first my teacher assumed it was some of the liquid, but upon closer inspection found a much thinner red liquid, almost as if it were blood! The whole room started shaking and inside the pot, the chili had formed a vacuum in its centre, where things from his kitchen began to become sucked into the abyss.

My comp sci teacher feared for his life. He backed away into the cupboards as the flames licked the air. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his most prized treasure, the McKenzie butter, being sucked off the shelf. He dove for it, but it was too late: it had been absorbed into the flaming cavern of the chili pot. My comp sci teacher closed his eyes, and felt so sorry he had attempted to enter this contest. He was just preparing to meet his end when he noticed he didn't feel the vacuum's effect anymore. Looking up, he saw that the objects in his kitchen had settled down, and the chili pot had stopped moving so violently. Crossing slowly across, he peered into the pot, and was astonished that the violent surface was now replaced with a calm red. Though the contents still glowed, it was much more docile now.

It turns out that the McKenzie butter had more powers than he knew. It was able to counter-effect the demonic side-effects of the "Bleeding Heart" and create a creamy smooth chili. Smiling, my comp sci teacher knew he had the perfect chili, and closed the lid. He was ready for the competition.

Will he win? Well of course so. But don't you wanna know the story? Stay tuned tomorrow

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 11:52 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

yo, props to being able to post again. and props to whomever gave me his/her bits (only a few left to go!!)

Now here's the conclusion to the exciting (WTF?) story about my teacher's chili.

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher was ready. the next morning, he carried the massive pot into his Geo Metro (folded down the back seat, left the trunk door open) and drove to the cook-off grounds. Beyond the gates, he saw an amazing sight: hundreds of eager chefs filling the booths, their steaming pots holding promise and disappointment in their bean-alicious paste.

Suddenly, loud music started to blare from the parking lot. A Hummer limo drove up to the pathway, and out stepped a man. He was wearing a fur coat and a silver cane, and when he whipped open his jacket, underneath appeared a chef's apron, decked out in ice and silver. A hush fell among the crowd, and from behind him appeared a golden pot pushed on a trolley. His attendents pushing the pot, he walked over to his booth (not surprisingly, much nicer than the others), and took a seat. Everybody clapped for him, and the field returned to its normal hustle and bustle.

"Who is that guy?" asked my teacher to a short fat man beside him.
"Why don't you know? That's Jacob Nirvana, the 5 time winner of this chili cook-off."
"And I assume inside that fancy pot of his is the Dragontongue?"
"You damn right it is young one. And there's no chili that's even come close to matching it."
"We'll see about that." My teacher put on his apron, turned up the heat on his portable stove, and waited for the judges to walk by.

The competition was fierce, with both worthy and unworthy opponents showing up. Some were jokes, like a man who mixed hot sauce with hot water, while another man added ketchup to his can of beans. One insane individual actually submitted red paint with beans inside, but before anybody was poisoned, he spilled it on his booth. When the others noticed that it seemed to be dripping off mysteriously, the police came around and took him away.

My teacher blew them away. Up against each rival the judges were smoked by his chili. Their eyes watered, their knees wobbled, and some didn't even bother trying the other person's chili. Score after score, he moved up the ranks, until at the very end he came up against the man everyone else feared, Jacob Nirvana.

My teacher heaved his pot onto the booth beside Jacob's, and Jacob smirked at my teacher.
"That's some chili boy. Looks like you put some effort into that"
"Thanks a lot. That's very nice coming from a respected man like you"
"No problem. But just a warning to you, don't feel bad when my chili burns a hole through your hopes!" Then he reared back and guffawed.

The finals' judges walked up to the booths.
"Well gentleman, it looks like it's come down to the two of you. You've both done a fantastic job, but we all know there can be only one. I'd like each of you to give me a spoonful of your chili to taste. Presentation marks will be counted for. Mr. Nirvana, why don't you begin?"

Jacob stood back, and clapped his hands. He then began to rub his hands very quickly, and sparks could be seen emerging from his palms. Then he flung his hands out to the air, and spun them around in complicated circles. The sparks started to create trails of flame. The faster he moved moved his hands, the longer the trails stayed in the air. Suddenly, his hands shot towards the pot, and the flames soared into the pot. Suddenly, the contents of the pot shot out, and Jacob held out a spoon. A perfect amount landed into the spoon, and Jacob shoved the spoon into the judge's mouth.

The judge's body shook, his eyes turned red and a glowing red aura surrounded him for a split second before he returned to normal. "Mmmmm, that's fantastic Jacob. That was a heavenly experience if I've ever tasted one. Mr. Mickey, I believe it's your attempt now"

PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2004 12:20 am   Post subject: (No subject)

LKF OTD (contd) : it was now my comp sci teacher's turn to impress. he knew he'd have to give it all his effort in order to clinch the title. so out of his pocket he took a torn rag and tied it solemnly to his head. Though nobody knew, this was the Kusanagi headband that his master gave him. My teacher closed his eyes, and focused his energy into winning. A bright flame emerged from his eyes when he opened them again. He held out his hand, and a flame appeared in his open hand. His body began to vibrate, and the flame began to flicker wildly. As the flame flickered, the chili in the pot began to bubble. The people around him began to move back, because they could feel the power emitting from him.

My teacher also began to yell. Quietly then slowly turning loud, it was as though the noise of a forest fire was emerging from his mouth. Suddenly, he closed his fist and began to spin like a top. The flame in his hand whirled around him, and began to wrap around his entire body. The flame also began to take shape, and slowly scales appeared. Then came feet, hands, wings, and finally, a terrifying image of a dragon. The faster he spun, the clearer the image appeared. Faster and faster, the noise he created began to sound like a dragon's roar. The fire dragon began to grow in size, it's great body engulfing now the entire crowd. When it seemed he could spin no faster, he stopped in his tracks and shot his burning hand into the sky.

The dragon reared up and soared into the sky. At the very same moment, the chili in the pot exploded, a column of it rising out of the pot and shooting out at the same speed as the dragon. Higher and higher both of them soared, and all eyes were glued to the skies. My teacher took his silver spoon and held out his hand. Down shot the dragon and chili, mixed into a double helix, the roar of the dragon filling the sky. As they plummeted towards earth, everybody hit the floor. But instead of killing everybody, it crashed into the spoon, as if all the contents were being sucked into a black hole in the spoon. As the crowd looked up, they saw my comp sci teacher, holding out that one spoon in his hand, a tiny amount of chili on the spoon. The judge cautiously approached the booth, and took the spoon. He put it in his mouth, his hand shaking wildly, and swalled the contents.

Nothing happened to him. No color change, no speech, no change in expression. He slowly took the blue ribbon, and pinned it onto my teacher's chest. Then he slumped over, and fell dead on the spot.

My teacher couldn't believe it. He had won the contest! He had defied all odds and come through the winner! The crowd cheered wildly, and my teacher whooped and hollered. Of course, Jacob wasn't. He had just been upstaged by this noob chef, a boy he thought couldn't tell the difference between a kidney bean and a real kidney. He reached for his ladle, and hurled it with all his strength at my comp sci teacher.

My teacher easily saw this attack, and spun around, delivering a jumping roundhouse kick and knocking the ladle right back at Jacob's head.

"Go Jacob. You're reign is over. I admire your skill, but you have no more right to be here today. I suggest you go home, and have a nice rest. Come back next year, and I'll be glad to take you on again".

"Oh you just wait", Jacob threatened, "I swear I'll come back and make you pay. Nobody's beaten me, and nobody ever will. I'll be back boy, I'll be back ...... ". With that, he shook his fist, and stormed off into his limo.

My teacher was happy. At the ceremoney, the mayor shook his hand and gave him his brand new computer. He also won $20000 cash and a trip to Scotland. It was all in all a very worthwhile experience for my teacher, though sadly he would have too many adventures to do it again.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2004 4:21 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher actually was a voice actor for the hit anime show Pokemon. It was after work, and he was relaxing with some buddies at a bar. My teacher is often prone to cracking jokes, and he was demonstrating his various vocal talents: the usuals like Elvis and JFK, but moved into the difficult people like Jerry Seinfeld, Sean Connery and Nicole Kidman. A few tables behind him, a man in a suede suit was watching him with keen eyes. After paying for his drink, he walked over to my teacher.

It turns out that the man was a recruiting agent for Nintendo Anime Division. They were starting a new season of Pokemon and were expecting to showcase some new poke's (namely Octillery, high Attack and Special Attack what!!!) and were looking for some new voices to help expand the series. He was greatly impressed by my teacher's varied range, and invited him to the studio the next day to try out. My teacher was thoroughly excited, and although his preference is towards the "darker", more "mature" anime's, he thought this might be the stepping stone into the world of "adult" anime.

The next day, he arrived at the gates of the big Nintendo building. Oddly enough, it was shaped into a big black N64. Because of their supreme confidence in the system (which would ultimately be raped by the PS1), Nintendo constructed their sound studio in tribute of their grand system.

"Hi, which way to the Pokemon recording studio?" my teacher asked the burly security guard. His office was a an elongated circle with a moving top, built to resemble the power button.
"No problem. Just keep walking until you pass controller 2, and turn right at the Z-Buffer."
"Err ... thanks"

My teacher walked on, slightly confused at the guard's instructions. Luckily, he took a map from a nearby kiosk and it gave him an intricate layout of the building. As he was walking to the sound studio, he took some time to have a look at the different studios. By the system fans he saw a group of men arguing vehemently about a prototype. It looked like a Game Boy, but it had way too many keys on the front, and it looked like a taco. One man was yelling how the "Nintendo Gage" would be the new handheld, and the other men were arguing that it would sell worse than their Virtual Boy. On the other side, there was a video of Shigeru Miyamoto gardening, and in the dark room people appeared to be taking notes and sculpting funny looking models based on Miyamoto's garden.

Further down, when he was past the anti-aliasing chip but not quite at controller 2, he spotted a door marked "Old Money-Makers". Peering inside, he saw groups of developers pouring over old boxes. Inside the boxes were titles like "Donkey Kong", "Bomberman", "Robotron" and the like. On one programmers screen he saw a 3D Donkey Kong moving around. The graphics were blocky, the textures were flat, but the programmer still looked happy. It turns out this room housed all the programmers that were to cash in on old titles by re-making crappier, modern versions. Sadly, this room would stay in use until the very end of the N64's lifespan, right up until Castelvania bombed. Rolling his eyes, my teacher continued to walk along.

Finally, he had arrived at the Pokemon Recording Studio. Behind him was the big controller 2 port, and if you walked along the controller cable tunnel you'd eventually reach the 2nd lounge for employees, stocked with Jolt, Japanese ramen and beef jerky. The HR department had just installed a rack with Playboy's, due to the complaints from workers that hours of looking at a 3D Zelda had made them all creepy. My teacher opened the door to the studio and stepped inside.

"Hey! Glad you could make it Ronaldo!" The agent he met yesterday bounded forward to greet him. "Let's get you cleaned up and ready to meet the cast!"
"Err, what do you mean cleaned up?" My comp sci teacher thought his Armani shirt, Prada shoes and Versace slacks were good enough.
"No way buddy! We've got to have you looking the part!"

"Looking the part", as the agent put it, meant that my teacher had to wear everything Pokemon themed. Bulbasaur slippers, a Pikachu hat, and a shirt and pants with a Pokemon theme. Even his glasses were replaced with Zapdos shades, which emitted an ear-piercing squawk whenever he moved. Fortunately, the cast was also decked out in similar fashion. He met with all the voice actors, including the old man who did Pikachu's voice.
"Huh, I thought it would be a girl or a small child who did Pikachu ..." my teacher inquired.
"Yeah, they're pretty good, but this guy was recommended from Satoshi Tajiri himself! We've never gone wrong with him! He also does some of the women's voices too!" the agent answered.
"Okay Ronaldo, here's your big chance! We're going to start the show with a battle, so how about you try for the voice of Ursaring?"
"Umm ... Ursawhatnow?"
"Oh yeah, sorry bout that! You're the big bear that's attacking first!" The agent pointed up to the screen, where a male had just finished saying "Ursaring! Go!" and threw a pokeball.
"Alright, I think I got it ..." my teacher screwed up all the talent he had, and said "Ursaring Ursaring". Too bad it was more monotonous then the hum of the fluorescent lights above him.
"Err ... Ronaldo? Are you feeling all right?" The agent looked at him questioningly.
"Yeah sure. C'mon c'mon, this is my first day. I'm just a little scared y'know!" My teacher joked with him.
"Hey bud, no problem! We all have these kinda experiences! We can let Frank there take care of Ursaring, why don't you try for a different voice? Umm ... how bout Bellossom?"
Once again, my teacher looked dumbstruck. "Ronaldo, it's the Hello Kitty reject with a green color scheme." Once again, my teacher tried to focus on the image of a Bellossom. He tried to picture the sweet, high-pitched voice. He tried to absorb the amiable and sensitive nature of the Pokemon into his system.
"Bellossom!" My teacher voiced. But just like his past attempt, this one failed: the word came out as a high-pitched caterwaul in the beginning, then dove deep into a cavernous grunt. My comp sci teacher looked around for support; there was none given.
"Look Ronaldo, do you mind if we have a word outside? Roger, you take over as Bellossom, and Julie can replace for Houndour. Continue on."

Outside, the agent pointed to the door. "I'm sorry Ronaldo, I guess you're just not cut out to be a voice actor for Pokemon."
"But, I tried my hardest! Don't I get any credit for that!"
"Sure you do buddy! Just see the guard outside! He'll give you a Pokemon gift pack and a certificate for 2 years of Nintendo Power!" The agent patted him on the back, and slowly guided him towards the door. "I even tried to help you out. Ursaring and Bellossom were the easiest voices in the whole show. If you can't do those, then how can I rely on you to do Lugia and Ash's Great-Aunt?"
They were walking past the door marked "Old Money-Makers", when he stopped. "Hey! I've got an idea! Why don't I help you guys program a couple of games for the N64?"
The agent stared at him. "Do you have any experience in programming?"
"Are you kidding me?! My talent in computer programming is so great I have to donate blood to the gods in order to re-imburse them!"
"That's great! I'll let the boss know that you're working there, and you can start tomorrow!" The agent looked at my comp sci teacher cautiously. "You DO program better than you voice act right?"
"I guess so."
"Grreeeaaattt! Good luck Ronaldo!"

And this is where we end it. My comp sci teacher helped program Donkey Kong 64 and various other craptacular games. Near the end, when the N64 was almost dead, he was also responsible for transferring N64 games into ROM format and posting them on Kazaa. So if you wanna kill him because you passed Ocarina of Time over for DK64, or just wanna congradulate him for getting you a free copy of SSB, e-mail him.

FYI: here's pics of Ursaring and Bellossom for all those poke-illiterate people (you guys are gay)

Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 7:49 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

Little Known Fact OTD (what does that mean "OTD"):

My compsci teacher came from Scotland and has a funny haircut and accent which she was cursed with after seeing the Loch Ness Monster mating with a female giraffe cross swine cross dog, odd sort of animal. The government sensing the repurcusions that her testifying would make, decided to deport her to Canada and put a tiny bomb in her brain that is sensitive to her saying "The Loch Ness Monster". So she can't say that, even when she wants to call us "lochys" for some reason. So after arriving in Canada, she decided that writing a book would not be the greatest way to patch things up with her native Scotland, so she decided to become the student of a 200-year-old buddhist monk and attempt to achieve complete and total Nirvana while yelling obscene remarks to the little gold statue at the front of the temple.

After being "relieved" of her ability to study with her teacher, she decided she needed a change and decided to head to the University of Waterloo to study medicine and most importantly the effects of massive amounts of absinthe on the brain. Knowing she to be a very gifted student of the procurment of herbs and home-remedies, her professors advanced her straight into med-school. After studying under a 17-year-old medicinal guru, my compsci teacher finally decided that the study of medicine wasnot for her, mainly because she didn't like the naked, old, wrinkly, bodies of dead men.

After dropping out of medschool half finished, her travels brought her to Queens University, and she decided that she needed to study the future, which then she came to the conclusion through long thought and research that "the future" involved knowing about a seemingly inept object known as a "computer" in the western world.

to be continued at a later date...

MOD EDIT: OTD means "OF THE DAY". Any reader would know that. It's kinda peeving me that you want to post here despite your lack of knowledge. I'm watching

PostPosted: Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:40 pm   Post subject: (No subject)


Naoki is a fascist about his thread! Who are you to say you're peeved? Way to be an ass! "I'm watching" like it means something! Oooh, maybe we should be scared?

Yeah, that's right, delete this post! Delete it! Delete it------------------------------------------------------------
-Renegade Transmission Ended-

PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2004 5:36 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

I believe that it's time make up - err ...... RECOUNT a "new" chapter in my comp sci teacher's history. I'll prolly never be able to get back my crazy ass storymaking like before, so I'll start on this one.

LKF OTD: my comp sci teacher once embarked on a journey to save the world. Yes, I know it sounds cliche, but he seriously was the only guy who could do it. The interesting thing was, the people he met along the way were kinda weird. Fit the stereotype much too well, y'know?

Well it all started one morning when my comp sci teacher woke up to the sounds of war. Why war? Because a large meteor was threatening to come destroy the Earth! And on top of that, the evil group who was responsible for this also incited war between the countries!!! Oh what was a boy to do? Naturally, despite his lack of military training and a wooden sword for a damn weapon, my teacher just felt like he had to go save the world. It was almost like a controller was making him to do it.

My comp sci teacher immediately got out of bed, with his full armor and equipment on and did an 8-bit stretch. After stretching he ran into a hole in the wall which was a door and was magically transported outside into his village. Asking the people, he was given no straight answers, with some stupid shit like "Oh my, these chickens are certainly looking lovely today!" or "I've really got to be going right now!" despite the fact that you were stopping him merely by standing in his path.

Out of patience, he head to the local wise man, who also happened to be a pervert. After giving him a porno magazine (which he got by beating 12 enemies of the same type), the old man told him that his father was responsible for the technology to bring the meteor down!

My comp sci teacher thought back. His father had always been distant, about as distant as a 64 x 64 screen could allow. His pre-made path of movement never crossed my teacher's, so they rarely ever talked. He knew his father was a brilliant scientist, but his dad never talked about the work he did.

Now he knew. His father was .......... a weatherman.

"Umm, how can a weatherman bring down a meteor?" my teacher asked the pervert.
"You'd best be on your way if you want to stop him!" the pervert answered cheerfully.
Of course, my teacher knew that that was all he could say after the scripted event was over, so he shrugged his shoulders, stole a potion from the man's treasure chest, and ran through the hole.

My teacher was just about to leave when his two oldest friends, an extremely hot tomboy named Sofia and a cocky dark wizard named Ralf stopped him. They explained that since this town was about to be destroyed approximately an hour into the game/story, they might as well go with my teacher to seek some adventures.

After falling in single file and saving their file, my teacher and his friends set off, to save the world. They walked to the bottom of their screen, and were immediately transported to the forest outside their village. A forest ......... of DEATH!!!

EDIT: props to AZN_S for this idea a while back. Of course, it's all mine now!!!!

PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 4:51 pm   Post subject: (No subject)

LKF OTD: Okay so the last place where we left off was I believe the forest of DEATH. Now, as we all know from our RPG playing that forests often contain a sickly forest spirit and some nasty rabbits and mushrooms. Sure enough, the mushrooms and weird green thingies (imagine the things from Chrono Trigger) were teeming with evil when our heroes got in.

My comp sci teacher, being the stereotypical hero with his balanced stats and crappy starting weapon, immediately began running into enemies whenever one crossed his path.

"Dammit man, why do we keep gotta fighting these stupid animals?" Ralf asked my teacher.
"We gotta raise our fighting level. We're currently at level 5, while the boss we fight at the end of the path is at level 12"
"Umm, how did you know that? And how did you know our levels?" My comp sci teacher looked at Ralf, and shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to explain the START menu to him?
"Hey look! Another enemy! GET HIM!!!!" and so my teacher deftly avoided explaining it to Ralf.

At the end of the trail, after sleeping on the ground to revive themselves, throwing away their old clothes in order to wear "tin plated" ones, and having my teacher consume 3 turkeys and several "potions" to restore his HP, they had at last gotten to the last enemy. How could he tell? They funny noises in his head, almost like music, changed to an ominous theme.

Ahead of them stood a figure lying on the ground, covered in a black mist.
"The fairy of the forest!" exclaimed Sofia as her 8 bit cleavage bounced about. She readied her sword and her leather outfit clung tighter to her body.
"So this is the fearsome beast that's been keeping the forest spirit hostage eh?" my teacher said, pointing to a glowing mess of colors and materials.
"Err, no. That's just a programming glitch. The programmers weren't very good at debugging" said Ralf. "THAT's the boss" he said, pointing to a black tree.

Of course, as we all know by now, the heros had to fight for approximately 10 minutes before they defeated the boss. So they did, and during the time they had to revive Ralf 2 times because he fainted and gave Sofia the antidote for poison. After dancing around because they had gained "860 XP" and watching the tree glow for a while then disappear, they cautiously approached the spirit.

No medicine was needed of course; the spirit immediately switched from black sprite to the original sprite. As it turns out, the spirit was actually a 10 year old fairy. She looked up at her saviors and her eyes immediately fell on my comp sci teacher. She quickly confessed her love for him, and declared that the day when she becomes a full-strength fairy she would come back to him and they would get married. Going into his bug-eyed 8 bit sprite, my comp sci teacher freaked out at the notion that only 30 minutes into the game and he was already engaged.

So after dashing back from hence they came (conveniently, no more enemies could be found. My teacher was deeply saddened), they found a new path before them. It led into a cave. The cave gave off anothe weird music, so Sofia realized that it was evil. Big surprise. As they approached the cave, the wooden sign on the right told them "EVIL CAVE SEALED BY A SPELL. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT"

Though rather frank, the sign convinced our heroes to set off on another new path, this time towards a bustling city which happens to have a former hero living there. Who is it? Find out next time!
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