Computer Science Canada

LKF about My CompSci teacher OTD (get permission to post)

Author:  naoki [ Sat Nov 22, 2003 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  LKF about My CompSci teacher OTD (get permission to post)

Note to mods and whomever: please don't post any comments like, "omfg naoki this topic sux", or even stuff like "lol that was funny". let's just keep the messages all about our comp sci teacher.

Little known fact: my comp sci teacher was once abducted by aliens. He was captured outside his house one night while having a smoke. Though afraid, he single-handedly managed to fight off an entire civilization and escaped by befriending a robot plane.

please keep all messages similar to my "little known fact". Comments AREN'T appreciated.

Mod Edit:
All comments will now be moved from this sacred thread
If you have something about Ronald Mickey, ask me at school for permission

Author:  naoki [ Sun Nov 23, 2003 2:24 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact OTD (of the day): my comp sci teacher originated the smiley. When young, he worked at a hospital when he met an unfortunate fellow. This man had been scared by a chemical waste accident, which turned his skin yellow and removed all facial hair. It also gave him the uncanny ability to change his face in order to express his emotions (you see that devil face? he could do that). Thus, my teacher, when collaborating with Al Gore to make the Internet, decided to implement these "smilies" as a tribute to the fellow.

Little Known Fact #2: Al Gore mentioned that when he thought up the Internet (cuz we all know it was him Razz ), he mentioned a secret collaborator called Mr. Mickey. That was my comp sci teacher

Author:  naoki [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 4:37 pm ]
Post subject: 


Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher was once recruited by the government to test out their new time machine in the 1970's. Upon his first visit, he wound up in 1660, where he met the discoverer of static electricity, Otto von Guericke.

The man had invented a brilliant device to generate static electricity. He showed it to my comp sci teacher, who merely laughed and told him to pick up a balloon (uhh, let's assume they existed back in those days). He rubbed the inflated balloon across his long luxurious hair, and stuck it on a wall. Otto was shocked and amazed, and because of such a simple experiment, went crazy in a matter of days, killing his family in a static explosion.

My comp sci teacher realized how much he affected history, and swore off long hair forever. Until this day, if his hair is any longer than 2 cm, he gets it shaved/burned/rubbed with a stone.

Author:  Dauntless [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 7:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Guess who

NaOkI, j00 r teh suXX0r2!!!1

Having done what you didn't want me to do, allow me to digress;

Another little-known fact about R. Mickey....

Turns out that Mr. Mickey was once the sidekick for Batman until that little Robin character came out....I guess the producers decided there was no place for an overweight guy with a massive frohawk on the show anymore. Well, at least he's come a long way since those days, cuz the head is shaved and he's down to a more human weight.

Chew on that, guys.


void binaryTree ()
cout << " 000";
cout << "0000";
cout << " 000";
cout << " 11";
cout << " 11";

//Yeah, I'm a great compsci student.

Author:  naoki [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 11:49 am ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact OTD: My comp sci teacher once modelled for Gucci. Perhaps you have heard of him, "Ronaldo Mcklienzo"? Damn right, he was big huh? All it took was a mere glance from the Gucci recruit to choose him. He was amazing. My teacher appeared in all the mag covers, and Time called him "Man of the Year". He would program and model by day, and at night would the clubs and take X. Life was good, and his Tetris clone was error-free.

It was all until one day. He was walking along the aisle, showing off the latest jean fashion, when some drool on the runway, left by an adoring female, caused him to slip when spinning in place. He fell, and crash landed on 2 reporters. The media was all over him: sex scandals, tax evasion, grand theft auto, stealing an old lady's purse. He soon realized that with all these scandals, he could no longer spread the joy of his body.

Thus he retired. He took his fame, his fortune, his physique, and moved to Windsor. Though he had to give up his love of showing off the body, he could at least concentrate on computer science.

Next: the true secret behind his diabetes

Author:  Dauntless [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Dauntless's LKF OTD

Dauntless back... I can't let Naoki get all the good stuff, I need to riposte to that...

LKF OTD by Dauntless:

So you know that Ronaldo was a model, but did you know that he started a fashion revolution, many of them in fact? Yeah, the mesh-back hat, the skinny tie, the yo-yo.... He was also the voice of many of the characters in the cartoon series Pokemon, and held a steady job as Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Jupiter in the popular Japanese import Sailor moon.

He also invented Scandinavia after his Batman sidekick days as the FroHawk.

P.S. The "secret behind his diabetes" better be tasteful, cuz that's not really funny.

Author:  naoki [ Thu Nov 27, 2003 12:02 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact OTD: now it's time for the story you've all been waiting for: how my comp sci teacher came to have diabetes.

Of course, as all his students know, he's a brilliant programmer. He can do pseudo-code, comments, binary trees, output to data file ... anything you want. But how did he come about to having this skill?

As we all know, the gods use a RSG (random skill generator) to allocate points to a person when he/she is born. The comp sci god, Johnny Carmack, dynamically allocated 1500 programming points to my teacher.

Thus my teacher went through life, brilliantly understanding COBOL, FORTRAN, C, BASIC. All was well, until one day, the master God (name removed for the sake of extremists), was doing a routine check and found that my comp sci teacher had too many points. He thus came down to Earth, and approached my teacher, saying that he is forced to kill my teacher in order to spread the points equally among the less fortunate.

Of course, my teacher rejected this "offer", and argued that kids nowadays care less about the science than the damn games that result. God understood, but argued that the kids should at least be given some shred of talent. Thus they pondered together, and God killed revolutionists during this time to cure his boredom. At last, he came up with an idea: by drawing blood from my teacher at intervals, he could convert some of those points and give them to needy children. My comp sci teacher then came up with the idea that it was his "sugar" level that required him to draw blood, not a twisted deal with God.

Thus, that little machine that draws his blood isn't a monitor, but rather a Godly creation to give stupid little children the ability to draw lines in loop.

Author:  naoki [ Thu Nov 27, 2003 5:49 pm ]
Post subject: 

A little one for the road: Remember that blackout in August? Did anybody ever find out the real answer to why that happened? I didn't think so.

The truth is (as all of you can guess), my comp sci teacher did it. He was using those neat muscle stimulators promoted by that small Chinese man and was working on upgrading his abs. He was already at such a level that he had to mod it by connecting it to a generator in order for more muscle zappage. As you can tell, his new setting of "Lightning Bolt" was kinda high, and killed all the powerlines for hundreds of miles.

PS: rock hard abs baby Laughing

Author:  naoki [ Fri Nov 28, 2003 6:26 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact OTD: my teacher is an exceptional Magic: TG player. His deck is almost undefeatable. Yet, when I mention to him about YGO, he becomes quiet, sometimes even angry with him. With a little digging around, I was able to uncover the reason why.

Years before YGO became mainstream, the creator was a struggling game developer, unable to make a new game on his own. One night, he had finally come up with an idea: a card game based on Egyptian characters. He thought his idea was brilliant, and went around asking other people's opinions. While his friends and family wholeheartedly agreed, he decided he would need a tester to imitate the overseas markets (we're so easy to fool Crying or Very sad ). By coincidence, my comp sci teacher was in Japan for a sushi eating tournament and a karate tournament (word has it that when he travelled back in time he wound up in Japan, where he learned Shotokan Karate from its original creator).

While shopping for some good kimonos, my comp sci teacher accidentally ran into the creator of YGO. The creator immediately asked if my teacher enjoyed card games, and my teacher agreed vehemently. He invited my teacher over to his apartment, and asked for his advice on a new game he was developing which would be better than anything my teacher had played before. Agreeing, they set off to his apartment.

All night they played the game, my comp sci teacher enjoying the freshness of the game albeit its resemblence to Magic and Marvel. There were certain bugs with the game that he couldn't get over. He then suggested several adjustments to the game, which infuriated the creator. He screamed at my teacher, calling him an idiot, a man who didn't know a good deck if it hit him. He kicked my teacher out, and huddled around his masterpiece, sobbing sadly .......

A few months later, my teacher was back in Canada, reading a japanese magazine (he likes the funny products) and spied a feature article with the creator. The creator was bragging about his genius, about his long hours of testing and careful planning of the game. The reporter could only gush fountains of praise, saying that the creator had already made millions. At the bottom, was a list of rules of the guy's new game: Yu Gi Oh. Originally, my teacher was glad for him, though he was snappy to him, he was still a gamer. But after reading the rules at the bottom, my teacher quickly changed his demeanor, because he had realized that the creator had stolen all of his ideas! No credit was given, no money was handed out, not even a damn apology for his attitude. That creator was a liar and an angry bastard, because word for word, every single suggestion my comp sci teacher made to improve the game had been copied and implanted into the game.

After that, my teacher swore to himself that he would never play YGO even if it dwarfed Magic's popularity.

Author:  naoki [ Sun Nov 30, 2003 7:02 pm ]
Post subject: 

Aight, the admin's have convinced me to continue, regardless of whether they're just razzing me on.

Note: the following fact contains information relating to King of Fighter's. Though I'm not sure how many users are Asian, I'll still write it, even though it may only be for Azn_Sensation's eye's.

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher once competed in the King of Fighter's tournament. This tournament, held by the evil crimelord Geese, was used to determine his greatest threats and allow him to promptly dispose of them. This tournament was also held before team fighting was allowed.

My comp sci teacher was a martial artist before he was a time-traveller, game designer or runway model. He trained at the Kusanagi dojo in Japan, learning to harness their Kusanagi flame, which burned greater when the user was pure of heart. Having beaten the lame Kyo (whom I still think Iori rapes totally), he was chosen by the master to represent the dojo in the KOF tournament. Thus, he slung on his jacket, fighting gloves, and headband, and headed out.

In the tournament, nobody could stand in my teacher's way. Direct attackers were met with an Aragami chain; even if the opponent tried mixing up their attack, my comp sci teacher would merely switch up: high, low, kick attacks decimated the people. Any TKD masters (though they rock too) attacking from the air would be met with an Oniyaki, the flames from his fist burning everything. An unlucky turtler would see for one second my teacher standing, then the next being caught in his hand and ignited by a Shiki Kototuki Yuu. Not even the crazy psychic girl could stop my comp sci teacher. Thus, he blew past the competition and faced the boss.

This battle would prove deadly for one of them; my teacher would not let it be him. However, he underestimated the skills of Geese: years of training on his own allowed him to develop counters for any move, as well as a double projectile, and his deadliest move, the Raging Storm. The battle commenced, and my teacher was quickly dominated. A high attack RED kick would be countered; a low sweep would be blocked. A foolishly flung Aragami would be answered by a painful Double Reppuken. When my teacher dashed in to perform an Oniyaki, Geese would step back, and seeing my defenseless teacher in the air, would raise up his arms, and, ripping the very air surrounding him, create energy waves of pure force, and crush my teacher.

Soon, my comp sci teacher lay on the ground. Geese began to taunt him, calling his dojo worthless and the master a fraud. He said after winning the tourney he would destroy it with his thugs and open a McDonald's there. Geese stood back, and laughed, for he believed nothing could best him.

My teacher could no longer stand it. He stood up, and held out his hand. A small flame emerged, and as it did, the eyes of my teacher began to burn with rage and renewed vigor. He began to scream, and as he did, his jacket and bandanna burned away, his body now engulfed in the Kusanagi flames. Geese stopped laughing, for he saw that this was a power few, like him, had. He became angry instantly, and rushed in for an attack. My teacher, sensing his power had come to its limit, unleashed the greatest move of the Kusanagi clan: the SDM Orochinagi. Geese, getting close enough, ripped the air again, with a force of a tidal wave, and created his Raging Storm. The waves of the Storm engulfed my teacher, and for a moment Geese smiled, for he believed that his power had overcome my comp sci teacher. But as he looked up, he saw a small flame appear, then a much larger one behind it. He saw, with wide eyes, that my comp sci teacher was still rushing forward, his eyes the brightest burning of all the fires. Geese knew it was too late: his body was burned and beaten by the torrent of flames erupting from my teacher.

The battle over, my teacher allowed two young children, Andy and Terry Bogard, to claim the glory, for they had plans to clean up Geese's former empire, and my teacher only wanted to program after this. This was how he won a KOF tourney.

If anybody likes my true accounts of my teacher's life, feel free to donate some bits Laughing

Author:  AsianSensation [ Sun Nov 30, 2003 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact about my Compsci Teacher: My CompSci teacher is actually oriental of descent.

What made me suspicious about Mr. Mickey's origin was due to a purely coincidental situation. One day, he dominated all of his opposition (of which were composed of several of Massey's top-notch starcraft players) in less than 10 minutes, and sent them home crying to mother. It was this amazing ability of mouse clicking and keyboard control that made me realize Mr. Mickey was not what he appears to be. Because only Korean or Hong Kong teenagers who does not go to school could pulverize their opponents in that specific manner. So in order for me to investigate about this strange phenomenon, I bided my time until further signs were shown.

Later in the week, me and naoki found Mr. Mickey fervently reading from a book during our computer science class. We sneaked behind him to get a closer look at what could possibly interest him more than teaching us about binary trees. Imagine our surprise when me found him diligently learning from a grade 9 mathematics textbook! That's when it suddenly hit me! Mr. Mickey must be Chinesy!* For only a person with slanted eyes could be thus stimulated by the knowledge mathematics has to offer. It all makes sense now. Mr. Mickey's awesomeness at computer science, Mr. Mickey's uncanny ability in the art of Starcraft, and now, Mr. Mickey's interest in mathematics. These evidence definitely points to the Oriental background of my CompSci teacher.

There was still one question that is bothering me, how is it that Mr. Mickey appears like any normal Caucasian to everyone? Well, after some intensive background research, I found out that my CompSci teacher is actually a very good friend of one Mr. Michael Jackson. Apparently, Mr. Jackson met my teacher at an anime convention. After seeing the incredible dancing skills my teacher displayed when playing Dance Dance Revolution, Mr. Jackson immediately signed my teacher as a backup dancer to the Jackson Five. Remember Tito? Well, that was actually my teacher with a wig and some very heavy make-up.

When Mr. Jackson contracted that disease, my teacher, being a very good friend that he is, volunteered to whiten the tone of his skin in order to help Michael through his period of uneasiness. Days after days would my teacher take Melanin reducing pills to reduce the color of his epidermis. Plastic surgeries were done many times to remove the slantedness of his eyes. Muscle stimulators were used to give him his now buff physique. Too bad laser eye surgeries were not easily accessed back then, causing it to inhibit Mr. Mickey's attempt of getting rid of his glasses.

And this is the account on how my CompSci teacher tried to alter his natural origin. Remember sir, history will always come back to haunt you. You can run, but you can't hide.

*Click this link for the full definition of Chinesy

Author:  Andy [ Sun Nov 30, 2003 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact about my Compsci Teacher

my compsci teacher, R. Mickey is 100% against money maps and illegal copies of the famous game StarCraft.Being a gamer, i first found that hard to belive? after consulting azn about his true history, i became even more suspicious. how on earth could a psycho azn gamer not burn games and play cheap maps? so after some intensive googling, i finally digged up enough info to satisfy my curiousity. have any of you seen the beta version of starcraft? the flying drones, flying scvs, humongus battle cruisers, walking science vessles, ugly looking overlords, and bad ass marines. Although screen shots and copies of the game still exist, the credits were nearly impossible to find. However, me, being an ultimate googler, got hold of a copy of it and instantly everything made sense to me. On the second line, in white text black back, was printed as such: Head Programmer: R. Mickey. quickly, i poped in my own starcraft cd and went to the credit of the released version. guess what? his name wasnt even in it! quickly, i googled his name and found nothing but horror. It turns out that my compsci teacher was the main programmer for Blizzards. he created all the cool maps like BGH and practically programmed the whole game single handed. Although skilled, he never learned direct X, so when blizzard decided to change the entire game to 3D, he was fired... direct X was what made him loose his job, yet he still refused to learn it. finally he stumbled upon a job that did not require such knowlege and became our compsci teacher...

Author:  naoki [ Sun Nov 30, 2003 11:32 pm ]
Post subject: 

Jebus, I'm gonna break my own damn rule. Dodge, if you're gonna post, at least make it legible. Paragraphs, and a spell check, are your friend.

Little Known Fact OTN (night): my comp sci teacher can slay demons. How? Video games. Demons nowadays are very hip to computers, and they often seek prey by playing games online. My teacher challenges them to bridge, Starcraft, or even GSbot (pokemon online), and after beating them, punches through the celestial monitor and grabs the demon. He then throws them into his demon box, which was blessed by a 100 virgins (not virgins after Laughing ), and is a direct portal back to the netherworld.

Author:  Dauntless [ Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:44 am ]
Post subject:  Oh man.

Oh man. Let's hope Mr. Mickey doesn't read about how 100 virgins were deflowered. On second about we tell that story.

LKF OTD/N: 100 Virgins - Not enough

This factual account is actually more modern than any of the other ones, because of this topic, actually. You see, every femme in compsci at Massey reads this topic; naturally, every single femme in compsci at Massey is also a voluptuous, desirable ba/be virgin. The other day he was surrounded by these ba/bealicious admirers, hackin Tao Tao's home computer.

Last week, during the double-period we had because of midterms, Mr. Mickey stopped writing on his chalkboard (something about C plus something....whatever that is.) and said "Hey guys, you wanna see what I do at home?"

Naturally, everyone was intrigued. So he goes over to the computer in the corner, and everyone realizes that they've never seen anyone use it before. So he pulls out the chair, takes his chalk, and draws a pentagram around it. He goes to the little cupboard he has behind his desk and pulls out a riveted black stone box. It's got all kinds of Jewish symbols on it....whatever. So he takes the box, and he sits down. He boots up the computer; everyone feels the heat as the computer starts up at a speed that makes Mandrique Leng look like a snail. Anyways. He signs on to his internet gaming league, Battle.not. He goes to a subgroup called "Demons". Now everyone's like, "WTF, sir?" Their words exactly. He finds a game, and Starcraft comes up.

To everyone's disbelief, he plays on a money map, BGH. They begin to protest as he spawns like 20 Drones. Barely 5 minutes later, his Hive count is up to around 12, and he swarms his opponent with Zerglings. All 7 of his opponents go down like cheap ho's, and the game goes to the victory screen. Then, what everybody least expects happens. He makes like he's going to punch the monitor, which nobody really gets, cuz he won, right? The monitor's glass yields and ripples like quicksilver as his hand passes through it, and right before our eyes The Honourable R. Mickey pulls a demon through the monitor. Everybodys all like "Shit, son" and Mr. Mickey's like "Word up, mofizzles." He sticks it in his black stone box and shuts the lid, grinning. Everybody cheers and he is smothered by a crush of students all around him, alternately kissing his shoes and his rings (one of the rings is from SuperBowl XVII).

Suddenly, the demon breaks loose from the box in a cacophony of noise. The roar terrifies everyone, but they calm down when they see it means them no harm. We watched as the demon stomped down the hall and exited the school, heading for the Tim Horton's near our school.
Mr Mickey's like, "Oh, I guess I need to revirginize my demon box." And all our tudent's volunteered, and even some of the guys.

When all the virges submitted their virgin essence to the box, I was like "Alright, now the virges need to be devirginized, cuz Mr. Mickey says it needs to be so." So Hong Son goes and takes the flock to the janitor's closet (which by the way is half the size of our gymnasium, the north one). He comes back out, hair not even the slightest bit disheveled, and says to me "Did Mr. Mickey really tell me to do that?" And I say "No, I just wanted to see if you'd do it. Gotcha." Hong just shrugged and went to Home Ec. class.

*****Note: Due to the censoring program on my home computer, I had to substitute for the following words:
Femme = Fem/ale
Virge = Vir/gin

I will replace these with the actual words when I get to school tomorrow.

Author:  naoki [ Wed Dec 03, 2003 7:38 pm ]
Post subject: 

EDIT: changed a few facts, with some help from my comp sci teacher.

Little Known Fact OTD: Have you heard of the Rainbow Six? An elite counter-terrorist squad who use violence to end violence. Well, when my my comp sci teacher was travelling in Africa to take pictures for National Geographic (more on this later), he actually stumbled upon a mission. Although he should've been killed for having seen the squad, he was instead captured and brought to the UN. Immediately, and almost anime-like in their stupidity, the UN enlisted him and forced him to be the Gold Team leader, despite his age and absolute lack of experience, compared to the mercenaries and weapons experts in the team.

His first, and last mission would be to infiltrate the base of a druglord by the name of Eduardo Menendez. Despite his inexperience, my comp sci teacher felt he should at least put up a good fight before he died. So, my comp sci teacher, preparing for his mission, chose a Desert Eagle, FN P90 and Frag grenades. Little did he know that his later interview with a game designer would result in his weapon choice THE set-up for Counter strike.

Though many people in CS tend to discredit gamers who use wall-hacks because it makes the game unnatural, there is in real life a wall-hack option. It's called a rocket launcher. A devastating blast from the rocket would be enough to topple the strongest of walls and kill whomever was behind one. At a rendezvous point, one soldier allowed his helmet to appear above a wall. My teacher was talking when he suddenly heard a loud hiss coming from behind the wall. Sensing that water kettles don't usually appear in a battlefield, he screamed for them to scatter, but it was too late: 2 men were caught in the blast and instantly "fragged". My teacher shook his fist at them, calling them "ghey" and "camping fags", but they only ran off, not before planting a flag in their camping spot declaring Gold Team "noobs".

Through hard work and some moves learned from John Woo movies, my teacher was able to sneak his men into the main hallway leading to the druglord. There, they met 3 sentinels located in the middle of the hallway. The robots sensed their presence through their heat vision, and opened fire, spraying hundreds of bullets from their arm-mounted Uzi's in seconds. One soldier attempted to misguide their fire by tossing a rock across the room, but the robots had such advanced AI (AMD's baby), they traced the trajectory back to its starting position and delivered a head shot to the poor man.

This was, of course, where my brilliant teacher stepped in and displayed the one skill which the others lacked: programming. Taking out his laptop, he initiated a little program he was working on, called "Windows 95" (later selling it to that 2-bit hack Gates), which, when loaded into the robot's computer, would crash the robot and destroy all usable files. My comp sci teacher appeared from behind a wall while his teammates provided cover fire, and ran towards the three robots. The robots opened fire on my teacher, but he gracefully dodged the bullets by running on the right hand wall. Running past them, he leapt into the air, and threw 3 Serial cables into the exposed backs. The OS instantly began to work, it's buggy construction destroying all the DLL files inside the robots. Soon their face monitors displayed the Blue Screen of Death, and they slumped to the floor.

They came up to the door of the druglord's room. Unlocking it with some ingenious C++ coding, they stepped inside to find themselves in a massive warehouse. Suddenly, the lights went out, and they saw little red lasers moving around. Ducking behind some crates, Gold Team saw that there were at least 30 guards in the room. However, some well placed shots by snipers had killed or injured most of my teacher's teammates (double kills abound). They all turned to him, the Gold Leader, for help, and my comp sci teacher knew there was no way they'd get out alive if he didn't step up. Pulling a Neo, he destroyed the group in 20 mins was pure havoc, as he leapt across walls, jumped from level to level, all the while double-gunning the opposition. When the ammo was running low, he would flip behind a guard's body and snap his neck, all the while using him as a shield, then take the enemy's gun for himself. Once when he was being chased, he kicked a table into the air and did a flying back kick, sending the table crashing into the 6 guards behind him. Another amazing feat occured when he supposedly disappeared from sight, and when a group of guards were entering a doorway to check, he swung down from above and blasted them away, having done the splits to support his body on 2 beams and flipping down.

With all 30 bodies lying in bloody heaps, he walked back to his injured comrades and transported them one by one to a safe room, where they called for pick-up and back-up. The operator told them support would arrive in 20 minutes. The second in command told my teacher that they should just forget about the druglord and hide in this room, but my teacher was unable to accept that. He had to finish the job, he had to see Eduardo dead.

Next topic: how he defeated the druglord mano-a-mano

Author:  naoki [ Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:33 pm ]
Post subject: 

well it looks like i've gotta step up and make this better

Little Known Fact OTD (contd.): From last we left off, my comp sci teacher had just destroyed the 30 guards protecting Eduardo. Now, as he approached the doorway leading to the druglord himself (previously, he had had to rip off 3 fingernails from an elite guard in order to find this fact out), hidden underground in the catacombs of his lair, my teacher's eyes began to shine, and his face became set, determined to win no matter what the cost.

Opening the door, he found a man with his back turned to him, a large fur coat on his back. The room was large, with platforms, walls, and crates strewn about. Bullet holes could be seen in several structures. This was Eduardo's training grounds. Now it would be his deathbed.

"Signor, I take it you've come to bring me in?" A deep voice came from the man.
""No, I haven't come to take you back. I've come to kill you", my teacher began, in a calm voice.
"Kill me signor? You can't be serious. What gives you the right?"
"What gives you the right to use children as drug dealers? What gives you the right to kill innocent officers just to ship some damn blow?" My teacher's voice was deadly calm, though the grip on his guns tightened.
"Haha, I see now. Revenge for them, and revenge for your teammates?"
"Indeed, you know I must."
"Very well signor, but I won't come easy". He cast off his coat into the air, but when my teacher's eyes focused back to the druglord when the coat had fallen, he had disappeared.

"You had best begin to find me, we have a little over 20 minutes before the police come in to arrest me"
"I know. I also know that with your money you can easily get off easy" My teacher's eyes scanned the room. Shadows seemed to grow and shrink all around him.
"Ha ha ha", the man laughed, "you are certainly aware of what failure may cost you. But are you good enough to succeed?". Footsteps appeared above my teacher. But his shots only hit crates, and the footsteps continued.
"I hope you don't mind, killing always seemed easier with a little music." Suddenly, Crystal Method's "Replacement Killers" song blared from several hidden speakers.

"Jesus, this is beginning to feel like a videogame. This man's taking death like he has unlimited continues". Of course, as we all know later, Crystal Method would be the preferred artist for all late night fraggers (die Chemical Brothers).

Suddenly, my teacher's ears pricked up: he heard a gun click. Diving behind a wall just in time, he avoided the barrage of bullets from Eduardo. The druglord then pulled the pin from a grenade and tossed it to my teacher. Seeing it fall, my teacher fired several bullets at the grenade, detonating it in midair. Smoke clearing, he could not see where Eduardo went. Thus, he ran to another part of the room to hunt him down.

Eduardo was hiding behind a wall, looking for my teacher. But my teacher had hidden from another angle, and was able to see directly at Eduardo. He steadied his gun, and prepared for the killing shot, when Eduardo reached into his pockets and took out a small object. Throwing the smoke bomb down, he was instantly covered in grey gas. My teacher tried to fire, but only heard metal hitting metal for his reward. Suddenly, Eduardo was standing above my crouched figure, and delivered a swift axe kick onto his head. Then he brought out his gun and was about to fire, but my teacher got up and sweep-kicked him. Eduardo tripped, and my teacher fired. Again, he hit nothing but metal, as the druglord had somehow disappeared into the shadows.

Going down a level, my teacher spotted him reloading his gun. My teacher rushed forward, guns ablaze, as the man began to run. My comp sci teacher thought he'd get him this time, for he had no other place to go. But the man kept running and dodging his bullets, and even began to pick up speed. Nearing the wall, he suddenly leapt up, and ran up the wall and flipped himself backwards. My teacher, looking up, saw his gun pointed straight at him, so he dived behind a wall. Eduardo landed, and threw a grenade behind the wall. As the debris settled and the smoke cleared away, my comp sci teacher was not dead on the ground. Boiling with rage, Eduardo slunk back into the shadows.

The final confrontation occured when they had met in the main corridor of the room, their guns firing at one another. Neither was hurt, but both were very tired. Suddenly, Eduardo kicked a switch to his right, and a giant crate was released right above my teacher's head. Diving out of the way, he allowed his left hand to be shot, the gun flying into the darkness. Having no choice but to run, he ran towards another corridor, with Eduardo hot on his heels.

Although the darkness should've proved a cover for him, my teacher had not counted on his bleeding left arm to make a trail for Eduardo to follow. Thus, every time he stopped he was almost immediately found by Eduardo, and was forced to shoot his way to escape again. He knew he'd have to devise a plan to throw Eduardo off his feet.

Eduardo had again found the bloody trail, but before he found my teacher, the trail stopped. Wondering what could've become of him, Eduardo continued to search for my teacher. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the dark bullet-proof vest my teacher wore. Spinning in place, he let loose 2 full clips, only there was nobody wearing the vest. It had simply been stacked vertical to a nearby crate. Angry and frustrated, Eduardo let loose a cry; this was about the time he heard the running footsteps. Before he could spin again and shoot, my teacher launched a jumping sidekick, knocking the gun out of the druglord's hand and leaving him sprawled on the ground. Immediately my teacher put him in a complicated hold, with my teacher's knee on top of Eduardo's throat. The druglord fought with all his might, but the Karate grapple my teacher learned was plenty strong enough to hold him down.

"Don't move, or else I'd hate to accidentally kill you" My teacher said into Eduardo's ear. Eduardo was raging now, screaming and fighting, his eyes burning with hatred for my teacher, who had broken into the invincible fortress and killed all his loyal guards.

"20 seconds left", my teacher said, and took out his gun. Placing the barrel on Eduardo's heart, he emptied his clip. Eduardo shook for a moment, but then became silent and cold underneath my comp sci teacher, his puddle of blood rapidly becoming larger.

Breathing a sigh of relief, my comp sci teacher fell to the ground beside Eduardo, his energy drained from him, but his mind at ease. If he was going to die, he would die in peace, knowing that his job was complete.

Of course, he wouldn't die, and later woke up in a hospital, his hand bandaged and his body clean of blood. He saw on his table a letter from the UN Secretary General awarding him no medal, but an honorary discharge from duty as Gold Team leader. Hey, they had to repay him for foolishly signing him up. The UN general said that my comp sci teacher was such a hero that two plucky reporters for CNN wanted to interview him. It was these reporters who would go on to create the mod for Counter strike.

Author:  naoki [ Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:35 pm ]
Post subject: 

Mad Running out of ideas, starting to get long-winded.

If you've any good ideas (seriously, good ideas), then PM me and I'll make'em happen.

I'm thinking of a National Geographic adventure for my next post.

Author:  naoki [ Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:41 pm ]
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Think of this as LKFOTD Lite Blowing up
and check out Compsci's cool smilies!
    My comp sci teacher actually invented ICQ as a means of mocking the other person's typing skill/speed. MSN only shows you after "Enter" is pressed, so how would you find out that your friends type at 15 WPM?

    My comp sci teacher once ran with the bulls. He managed to lead 15 bulls into a local slaughterhouse, where he was awarded with 100 pounds of steak, hamburger and sausages.

    My comp sci teacher seconded Nintendo's decision to release Virtual Boy. According to my teacher, the headset fit better than his glasses and the lasers were gently "massaging" your corneas. If you can only see red and black nowadays or just want your money back, contact him.

    My comp sci teacher's car was actually modified from a CAA student driving car. Except the second wheel is actually a targeting system for his hamster-launcher and sulfuric acid dispenser. He says it's for one day when he snaps and he'll go after all the Battle.Net assholes who dropped him in Starcraft.

    My comp sci teacher was once a photographer for National Geographic. On a trip to the Amazon, he spotted the elusive Spitting Jaguar. Upon seeing it, the jaguar pounced on my teacher and was prepared to kill him. My teacher kicked him off, and faced him down, putting him in a Full Nelson to subdue him then into a Camel Leg Hold as his team put a cage over him. However, as a last resort, the jaguar spat its venom into my teacher's face, where the venom worked its way into the teacher's brain and removed the very memory of this encounter. Only by seeing his own video of the incident was my teacher able to remember this incident.

Author:  naoki [ Wed Dec 10, 2003 6:59 pm ]
Post subject: 

waddup fools this one goes out to a friend of mine who suggested it.
and sorry for not updating, i had quite a few unsexy tests to do.

Little Known Fact OTD: a friend of mine was recently enjoying his butter, when he spied the label on it "McKenzie butter". Intrigued, he asked me to do some further investigation. This is what I found.

The McKenzie clan was a Scottish clan in its roots. They were generally happy folk who liked beer, women, and funny languages. They also happened to be the strongest clan in Scotland. Their secret? A secret technique which they applied to their butter-churning, resulting in a monopoly rivalling Microsoft. As you well know, the Scottish love their muffins, potatoes, bread and cream sauces, and they only acknowledged the best.

The other Scottish clans were jealous. Thus they combined together to form the Brotherhood, and spent years training their best assassins to kill the top leaders of the McKenzie clan.

When my comp sci teacher was but 5, he was attending a fantastic family picnic where everyone was enjoying their buttery scones and creamy Fettucine Alfredo (captured an Italian they did). Suddenly, 5 burly men came walking up to the group. They stood, there, the eyes gleaming with malice and anger. Suddenly, a strong wind picked up, and it blew the men's kilts up in the air. But instead of encountering a gross sight of their genitals, the wind exposed their guns, several strapped into the kilts. The assassins struck with no mercy, slaughtering the young and innocent, and stealing all the tasty butter cookies for themselves (BASTARDS!!) . The men tried to fight them off, but to no avail: log tossing hadn't translated well into self-defense. Finally, the last of the McKenzie clan's leader, my comp sci teacher's father, took my teacher with him and ran into one of their nearby butter-churning houses and approached a nearby churn. There, he removed a charm necklace which all the leaders wore: a tiny silver eyeglass (much like the one my teacher wears), and whispered something into the glasses. Then he threw it into the butter churn.

Then he knelt down beside my teacher and told him what he'd done. He said that he threw the most sacred of the McKenzie treasures into their sacrireligious butter. Here it would lie, until the chosen McKenzie would discover his true heritage, and the emblem would know. At that time it would return to the owner and bestow the person with all the powers of the former leaders, as well as giving life to each stick of butter, so as to create an unstoppable army of creamy soldiers.
His father said that in order for the enemy to be unable to capture my teacher, he would have to erase his memory and transport him using magic to a shell family. Bidding him goodbye, he waved his hand over my teacher's head, whereas he promptly fell asleep and woke up the next morning in the bed of a family from South Dakota. Needless to say, his father fought bravely (scarring two assassins in the face with hot butter), but still massacred.

So when will my comp sci teacher realize his powers? When will he realize that the strongest clan in Scotland still awaits for his return? Who knows. Until then, enjoy the kickass butter.

Author:  naoki [ Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:36 pm ]
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Thanks for sharing that useless fact Dauntless. Despite the popularity of this topic (yeah right, more like me clicking Back and Forward constantly), this isn't the right place to advertise.

Little Known Fact OTD: while observing my comp sci teacher's uncanny knack for decapitating delicious baked turkey's, I wondered to myself how did he attain such a skill. Upon further investigation into his seedy past, I discovered that his mission against Eduardo wasn't his first and last as Gold Team Leader! There was actually a mission/initiation that he did beforehand.

Obviously there was one official in the UN who wasn't so boneheaded as to let a young teenager become Gold Leader. Thus, he sent my teacher into a mission where he was to eliminate a local Yakuza-wannabe gang who had set up shop in Toronto.

The hideout of this Yakuza gang was located in a large trendy nightclub appropriately named "Wasabi and Kunai". As the large black van belonging to the UN drove by the entrance several times, my comp sci teacher readied his only weapon: an army knife. Yes, that hardass from the UN was so intent on proving my teacher's worth that he only gave him a knife (and several tools you'll find out later). As the van swung by the entrance for the 5th time, one of the men opened the door. Immediately, my teacher leapt out the car and rolled along the street.

Spying two burly guards "bouncing" at the door, he unsheathed his knife and tripped the nearest guard. As he fell, he leapt up and slashed the other guard's neck and stabbed his chest, then dropping with the other guard, stabbing him as he hit the ground.
Kneeling down, he cuts the right ears off the two guards. Of course, this may seem strange to you, but a once-in-a-lifetime experience like this should be remembered right? If you ever get the chance to go to his house, you should visit his basement, where he keeps each ear labelled in a seperate jar, submerged in a delicious marinara sauce (some in teryaki!).
Leaving the two bodies on the floor, he ran into the club, but not before sealing the doors with sealing foam.

Of course, since he killed the entrance guards before they had time to make radio contact (not to mention the trance music drowning out the screams), he caught the other guards by surprise. Slashing, stabbing, parrying, blocking a kick with a counter and then side swipe, uppercut stabs, blood flew from the bodies like juice from an orange. Once when confronted with two guards running at him from opposite directions, he launched the knife into one man's head, then running towards him, jumped up and kicked him, all the while pulling the knife out. Then, in mid-air, he flips behind the other guy and slits his throat. Or how about cutting off someone's hand, then taking the weapon lodged in the hand and killing the previous owner with it? Sick stuff, you know? Of course, the mission was made easier with the fact that all the gang members were 18-20 year olds whose only fighting experience came from button mashing with Eddy.

One of the main challenges in this mission was NOT to let any bystanders be injured. This, of course, proved pretty damn difficult. There were quite a few wannabe bystanders who enjoyed the Yakuza life so much they jumped into the fray to help the enemy, luckily the rave sticks and baby pacifiers which all clubbers where helped identify them to my comp sci teacher, who promptly knocked them unconcious with some well-placed acupuncture (best seen in Crouching Tiger). There were also quite a few who would be dragged away by members of the Yakuza, either because they're girlfriend's or blackmailed clients. Still, my comp sci teacher managed to dislodge the hostage from the enemy, either with a flying side kick, a knife hurl to the head, or running down an enemy and jumping off a wall to roundhouse kick him.

After a vicious knifefight with a former gigolo turned crimelord, Rainbow St.Clair, a fight where the boss managed to slice a gash into my teacher's side and right thigh. Of course, my teacher ended it in a dramatic fashion, by blocking a knife swipe with his hand, simultaneously popping the knife out of his hand and into the air while breaking all 5 fingers on the man's left hand, then when the knife falls back down, catches it and performs a 12 hit stab combo ending with a jumping back kick to the chest. His clothes ripped, his body bleeding, the knife PERMANENTLY stained with blood, he wipes his forehead, happy over a job well done. After collecting the ears of his enemies and shuffling the stoned ravers outside, he calls up the UN HQ, informing them of his mission outcome.

Obviously, after this mission they couldn't say no, and gave him that druglord mission which I posted earlier.

This, my friend, is where my comp sci teacher gained the ungodly ability to disembowel animal flesh.

Author:  naoki [ Thu Dec 18, 2003 1:18 pm ]
Post subject: 

Sorry for the delay folks, got quite a few tests.

Little Known Fact OTD: one year when my teacher was teaching comp sci, news spread that there was a missing individual, a prominent diplomat named Mark Shu. Word has it that he was captured by guerrillas in the jungle, and there was a nice bounty for his return.

Countries began to accuse one another of kidnapping, saying that they were just trying to stop peace deals because of their dictatorial ways. Tension was so thick you could pick it up with chopsticks, and news spread about arms being readied. The UN had to act fast, because they knew at any moment war could break out between the nations. Thus, they turned to my teacher, the former Gold Leader, for assistance.
Being the chivalrous, honorable person he is, he grimly accepted the mission. His students were worried that he would not be there to mark their half-assed, super-rushed binary tree assignments, but him, having a HUGE heart, extended the due date by 2 weeks. Leaving his room of cheering students, he left for the UN.

Suiting up in his stealth camouflage suit (later stolen by Konami for Solid Snake's outfit), he journeyed into the deep, dense jungles of Brazil. Upon entering the jungle, he asked a native where the stronghold was located. Though the native told him, he warned him that the place was heavily guarded, and nobody who had ventured in returned alive (cept for a delivery boy). Flashing his thumbs up, my comp sci teacher ventured in.

The jungle proved a helpful friend, as it allowed him to hide before striking at the guards. Slowly by surely he killed the outer rim and infiltrated the main hideout. Fighting his way through hordes of stupid guerrillas armed with an army knife and a Glock (and living off a steady diet of BoneFish), he captured an unlucky guard and tortured him into giving the location of Mark.

Finally, he had approached the door. Readying his pistol, he blew the door open and ran in. His laser sight searched the area, but the only thing it found was a haggard individual. A fat Chinese man with a scraggly beard, he was holding one hand up to the light to shield his eyes, and the other with an XBox controller.

"Jesus Christ, shut the damn door! I'm on my last mission of Halo!"
My comp sci teacher's eyes bulged out. "I .. I'm so-sorry ... Wh-what did you s-s-say?"
"Dammit boy, either close the door or get the hell out! How am I supposed to concentrate on annihilating the Covenant with glare?!" Mark looked up at my teacher, his angry eyes peering out from the mass of facial hair.
Anger and frustration was running through my teacher. Here was a man responsible for peace between nations, his disappearance had almost caused a war. He ran over to the tv, kicked it over, and back-kicked Mark onto the ground. He flipped behind Mark and caught him in a Chinese Headlock, where his left hand held his knife close to Mark's jugular.
"Are you telling me that those guards are YOUR guards?" Mark tried to break free, but my teacher only held the knife closer. Realizing he had no way out, he only nodded.
"You're telling me that those guards, THOSE guards YOU assigned to protect you while you played, WERE killing all those soldiers attempting to rescue YOU?" Mark nodded again.
"Why the hell would you do that? Why would you hide behind a wall of mercenaries just to play Halo?!" My teacher's hand shook violently as he asked the question.
"Because fool, I had to play games. I'm not normal like everyone else. I can't keep up with the daily stress of work and social interaction. Weekends just aren't enough. I had to leave everything behind, even if it meant not learning anything new for 3 weeks, or losing all my reputation and school marks (the real Mark Xu). I had to leave ... I had -"
Mark couldn't continue talking, because my teacher had just knocked him out with Chloroform. He was too disgusted to go on. He couldn't believe that there were people in the world that would take advantage of others, to give themselves rest at the expense of other's suffering, even his own suffering. So he dragged the unconcious Mark out of the jungle and back to the UN.

The UN, as punishment, allowed all of its ambassadors to make fun of Mark, and dropped his approval so low that Saddam would've had a better one if he had just joined.

So ends the tale of Mark, and the thrilling rescue mission by my teacher.

Author:  naoki [ Thu Dec 25, 2003 6:26 pm ]
Post subject: 

Sorry folks, when I'm done my dinner I'll write a Christmas edition. For now, blame the servers.

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher always likes to re-discover himself; he always likes to find a little part of himself hidden behind that ginormous brain. One interesting experience that he shared with me was when he lived with a family of beavers.

It was only a month after he started his first computer teaching job, a pretty shitty thing that stuck him in the slums of New York. Needless to say, he very quickly became frazzled and promptly took a vacation. So he went camping out in the beautiful North.

He was cooking some sausages over a pan when he'd spotted a family of beavers coming up from the pond. The little baby beavers making funny sounds as they lovingly followed their mother, who had lead them to a freshly gnawed down tree. The father was lying on top of a log, luxuriously smacking it with his tail as he watched his young. This image struck my teacher, and he dropped his pan and walked over to the mother. Clicking and squeaking, slapping his hands, my teacher asked if he could live with them for a few months, to escape the constricting environments in his life. The mother was a little hesitant, but the children were so happy to have another playmate, and the father happy to have a reason to expand his beaver den, that she gave in.

Those few months were very happy for my comp sci teacher. Stripping down to his skivvies, he swam with the beavers, his head bobbing in the water. He would help the beavers cut down trees, though his attempt to gnaw one down resulted in a sore jaw. So, using his karate skills picked up during his time travels, he leaps and performs a flying side kick, sending the 100 foot tree toppling to the ground, the forest shaking from the impact. My teacher would even help the beaver's pat down their den: while they used their tails to cement the mud in, he would rub mud all about his body and then flop vigorously on the wood. The raccoons, wolves and otters who would trouble the beavers were no match for the raw ferocity of my comp sci teacher, as his fists beat down on the bones, the sharp teeth no match for his shark skin, and their animal reflexes too slow to avoid his blows. The kits were ectastic over my teacher, as his unique appearance (at least to them), 2 thumbs and freakish height allowed an explosion of new games.

Of course, the worse time for him would be trying to eat what they eat. Sure, the berries and soft leaves are groovy, but my teacher couldn't expect his diet, let alone his teeth, to accept the hard Maple bark. Thus, he was forced wait until the night-time, when he would hide in the forest and kill a rabbit for nourishment. Obviously, he had a few close calls when the beaver's smelled burning wood and feared for the worst, but my teacher would simply assure them he had just killed the loggers.

But after a while, his natural talent called out to him. Though he tried to teach the young cubs the strategy behind recursion, they could only see a wrestling circle in his stick diagram. My teacher knew he had to get back to his students, no matter how bad they were. So he cleaned off the mud from his body, brushed his teeth, and bid farewell to the beaver family. Returning to his school, he discovered that it had burnt down after some foolish Engineering students created the ESD shock which started the fire. His new school, he was assured, would be stocked with kids smarter than those he taught, and the computers he'd be using only 6 years old.

Author:  naoki [ Fri Jan 09, 2004 11:21 pm ]
Post subject: 

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher once won an annual chili cook-off. It was during a routine lunch with his fellow teachers when a women happened to read about a chili contest citywide. She said that the winner would receive a brand new computer with DSL service for 2 years and an external firewall. This obviously pricked up my teacher's ears, and he inquired when he should be there. The woman scoffed at him, saying that he could never make chili spicier and more delicious than Jacob's "Dragontongue" or even One-Tooth Sam's "Nerve Killer". My comp sci teacher wholeheartedly assured her he would win, and went home to begin. After all, he would only have 3 days to make it.

He immediately began reading all his recipe books on chili. Meticulously preparing each dish, he tried at least 30 different kinds, but none held that secret flavor that he knew he needed. They were all too bland, too simple, too hokey to be the one he'd call "A trip to Hell". In fact, the hot peppers he'd been using were sub-par.

Looking on the Internet, he came across a site on Geocities, on the very last page in Google. This site displayed pictures of a peculiar looking pepper, shaped like a human heart. The text said that in ancient times in Venezuela, where the pepper is grown, they would use the pepper's juices to burn through human flesh to get to the heart for sacrificial purposes. The test further said that anybody who wanted to purchase it would have to pay for the lead tank it came enclosed in. The text warned that sudden death could occur if too much was injested raw and would release a burning gas into the atmosphere. My comp sci teacher immediately placed an order for a crate and gleefully waited for the peppers to arrive.

One day, the peppers arrived in their crate. True enough, inside the crate was a lead box with a note on top saying "My God be with you". Casting it aside, he put on his rubber gloves and heaved up the box. Breaking open the dead bolt with a hammer, he peered inside. A bright red blinded his eyes for a second, and then the peppers appeared. The were just like the pictures, a dark red in the shape of a heart. Smoke was coming off the peppers, and they were vibrating very slightly. He had already prepared his own version of chili for the peppers, with ingredients including: coconut milk, 3 roses, beef from a sacred cow who lived in India, a batch of carrots and tomatoes stolen from the Prime Minister's house, and the salt dried from the saltwater at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

My comp sci teacher tried to cut the peppers, but the knive's evaporated when the blade came in contact with the pepper. Having no choice, he heaved a couple peppers into the pot. Instantly, a column of flame spouted from the mouth, and as the peppers sank to the bottom, bubbles appeared at the surface. When these bubbles popped, they sounded like the screams of a tortured man. The pot's very metal began to leak. At first my teacher assumed it was some of the liquid, but upon closer inspection found a much thinner red liquid, almost as if it were blood! The whole room started shaking and inside the pot, the chili had formed a vacuum in its centre, where things from his kitchen began to become sucked into the abyss.

My comp sci teacher feared for his life. He backed away into the cupboards as the flames licked the air. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his most prized treasure, the McKenzie butter, being sucked off the shelf. He dove for it, but it was too late: it had been absorbed into the flaming cavern of the chili pot. My comp sci teacher closed his eyes, and felt so sorry he had attempted to enter this contest. He was just preparing to meet his end when he noticed he didn't feel the vacuum's effect anymore. Looking up, he saw that the objects in his kitchen had settled down, and the chili pot had stopped moving so violently. Crossing slowly across, he peered into the pot, and was astonished that the violent surface was now replaced with a calm red. Though the contents still glowed, it was much more docile now.

It turns out that the McKenzie butter had more powers than he knew. It was able to counter-effect the demonic side-effects of the "Bleeding Heart" and create a creamy smooth chili. Smiling, my comp sci teacher knew he had the perfect chili, and closed the lid. He was ready for the competition.

Will he win? Well of course so. But don't you wanna know the story? Stay tuned tomorrow

Author:  naoki [ Fri Jan 09, 2004 11:52 pm ]
Post subject: 

yo, props to being able to post again. and props to whomever gave me his/her bits (only a few left to go!!)

Now here's the conclusion to the exciting (WTF?) story about my teacher's chili.

Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher was ready. the next morning, he carried the massive pot into his Geo Metro (folded down the back seat, left the trunk door open) and drove to the cook-off grounds. Beyond the gates, he saw an amazing sight: hundreds of eager chefs filling the booths, their steaming pots holding promise and disappointment in their bean-alicious paste.

Suddenly, loud music started to blare from the parking lot. A Hummer limo drove up to the pathway, and out stepped a man. He was wearing a fur coat and a silver cane, and when he whipped open his jacket, underneath appeared a chef's apron, decked out in ice and silver. A hush fell among the crowd, and from behind him appeared a golden pot pushed on a trolley. His attendents pushing the pot, he walked over to his booth (not surprisingly, much nicer than the others), and took a seat. Everybody clapped for him, and the field returned to its normal hustle and bustle.

"Who is that guy?" asked my teacher to a short fat man beside him.
"Why don't you know? That's Jacob Nirvana, the 5 time winner of this chili cook-off."
"And I assume inside that fancy pot of his is the Dragontongue?"
"You damn right it is young one. And there's no chili that's even come close to matching it."
"We'll see about that." My teacher put on his apron, turned up the heat on his portable stove, and waited for the judges to walk by.

The competition was fierce, with both worthy and unworthy opponents showing up. Some were jokes, like a man who mixed hot sauce with hot water, while another man added ketchup to his can of beans. One insane individual actually submitted red paint with beans inside, but before anybody was poisoned, he spilled it on his booth. When the others noticed that it seemed to be dripping off mysteriously, the police came around and took him away.

My teacher blew them away. Up against each rival the judges were smoked by his chili. Their eyes watered, their knees wobbled, and some didn't even bother trying the other person's chili. Score after score, he moved up the ranks, until at the very end he came up against the man everyone else feared, Jacob Nirvana.

My teacher heaved his pot onto the booth beside Jacob's, and Jacob smirked at my teacher.
"That's some chili boy. Looks like you put some effort into that"
"Thanks a lot. That's very nice coming from a respected man like you"
"No problem. But just a warning to you, don't feel bad when my chili burns a hole through your hopes!" Then he reared back and guffawed.

The finals' judges walked up to the booths.
"Well gentleman, it looks like it's come down to the two of you. You've both done a fantastic job, but we all know there can be only one. I'd like each of you to give me a spoonful of your chili to taste. Presentation marks will be counted for. Mr. Nirvana, why don't you begin?"

Jacob stood back, and clapped his hands. He then began to rub his hands very quickly, and sparks could be seen emerging from his palms. Then he flung his hands out to the air, and spun them around in complicated circles. The sparks started to create trails of flame. The faster he moved moved his hands, the longer the trails stayed in the air. Suddenly, his hands shot towards the pot, and the flames soared into the pot. Suddenly, the contents of the pot shot out, and Jacob held out a spoon. A perfect amount landed into the spoon, and Jacob shoved the spoon into the judge's mouth.

The judge's body shook, his eyes turned red and a glowing red aura surrounded him for a split second before he returned to normal. "Mmmmm, that's fantastic Jacob. That was a heavenly experience if I've ever tasted one. Mr. Mickey, I believe it's your attempt now"

Author:  naoki [ Sat Jan 10, 2004 12:20 am ]
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LKF OTD (contd) : it was now my comp sci teacher's turn to impress. he knew he'd have to give it all his effort in order to clinch the title. so out of his pocket he took a torn rag and tied it solemnly to his head. Though nobody knew, this was the Kusanagi headband that his master gave him. My teacher closed his eyes, and focused his energy into winning. A bright flame emerged from his eyes when he opened them again. He held out his hand, and a flame appeared in his open hand. His body began to vibrate, and the flame began to flicker wildly. As the flame flickered, the chili in the pot began to bubble. The people around him began to move back, because they could feel the power emitting from him.

My teacher also began to yell. Quietly then slowly turning loud, it was as though the noise of a forest fire was emerging from his mouth. Suddenly, he closed his fist and began to spin like a top. The flame in his hand whirled around him, and began to wrap around his entire body. The flame also began to take shape, and slowly scales appeared. Then came feet, hands, wings, and finally, a terrifying image of a dragon. The faster he spun, the clearer the image appeared. Faster and faster, the noise he created began to sound like a dragon's roar. The fire dragon began to grow in size, it's great body engulfing now the entire crowd. When it seemed he could spin no faster, he stopped in his tracks and shot his burning hand into the sky.

The dragon reared up and soared into the sky. At the very same moment, the chili in the pot exploded, a column of it rising out of the pot and shooting out at the same speed as the dragon. Higher and higher both of them soared, and all eyes were glued to the skies. My teacher took his silver spoon and held out his hand. Down shot the dragon and chili, mixed into a double helix, the roar of the dragon filling the sky. As they plummeted towards earth, everybody hit the floor. But instead of killing everybody, it crashed into the spoon, as if all the contents were being sucked into a black hole in the spoon. As the crowd looked up, they saw my comp sci teacher, holding out that one spoon in his hand, a tiny amount of chili on the spoon. The judge cautiously approached the booth, and took the spoon. He put it in his mouth, his hand shaking wildly, and swalled the contents.

Nothing happened to him. No color change, no speech, no change in expression. He slowly took the blue ribbon, and pinned it onto my teacher's chest. Then he slumped over, and fell dead on the spot.

My teacher couldn't believe it. He had won the contest! He had defied all odds and come through the winner! The crowd cheered wildly, and my teacher whooped and hollered. Of course, Jacob wasn't. He had just been upstaged by this noob chef, a boy he thought couldn't tell the difference between a kidney bean and a real kidney. He reached for his ladle, and hurled it with all his strength at my comp sci teacher.

My teacher easily saw this attack, and spun around, delivering a jumping roundhouse kick and knocking the ladle right back at Jacob's head.

"Go Jacob. You're reign is over. I admire your skill, but you have no more right to be here today. I suggest you go home, and have a nice rest. Come back next year, and I'll be glad to take you on again".

"Oh you just wait", Jacob threatened, "I swear I'll come back and make you pay. Nobody's beaten me, and nobody ever will. I'll be back boy, I'll be back ...... ". With that, he shook his fist, and stormed off into his limo.

My teacher was happy. At the ceremoney, the mayor shook his hand and gave him his brand new computer. He also won $20000 cash and a trip to Scotland. It was all in all a very worthwhile experience for my teacher, though sadly he would have too many adventures to do it again.

Author:  naoki [ Sun Jan 11, 2004 4:21 pm ]
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Little Known Fact OTD: my comp sci teacher actually was a voice actor for the hit anime show Pokemon. It was after work, and he was relaxing with some buddies at a bar. My teacher is often prone to cracking jokes, and he was demonstrating his various vocal talents: the usuals like Elvis and JFK, but moved into the difficult people like Jerry Seinfeld, Sean Connery and Nicole Kidman. A few tables behind him, a man in a suede suit was watching him with keen eyes. After paying for his drink, he walked over to my teacher.

It turns out that the man was a recruiting agent for Nintendo Anime Division. They were starting a new season of Pokemon and were expecting to showcase some new poke's (namely Octillery, high Attack and Special Attack what!!!) and were looking for some new voices to help expand the series. He was greatly impressed by my teacher's varied range, and invited him to the studio the next day to try out. My teacher was thoroughly excited, and although his preference is towards the "darker", more "mature" anime's, he thought this might be the stepping stone into the world of "adult" anime.

The next day, he arrived at the gates of the big Nintendo building. Oddly enough, it was shaped into a big black N64. Because of their supreme confidence in the system (which would ultimately be raped by the PS1), Nintendo constructed their sound studio in tribute of their grand system.

"Hi, which way to the Pokemon recording studio?" my teacher asked the burly security guard. His office was a an elongated circle with a moving top, built to resemble the power button.
"No problem. Just keep walking until you pass controller 2, and turn right at the Z-Buffer."
"Err ... thanks"

My teacher walked on, slightly confused at the guard's instructions. Luckily, he took a map from a nearby kiosk and it gave him an intricate layout of the building. As he was walking to the sound studio, he took some time to have a look at the different studios. By the system fans he saw a group of men arguing vehemently about a prototype. It looked like a Game Boy, but it had way too many keys on the front, and it looked like a taco. One man was yelling how the "Nintendo Gage" would be the new handheld, and the other men were arguing that it would sell worse than their Virtual Boy. On the other side, there was a video of Shigeru Miyamoto gardening, and in the dark room people appeared to be taking notes and sculpting funny looking models based on Miyamoto's garden.

Further down, when he was past the anti-aliasing chip but not quite at controller 2, he spotted a door marked "Old Money-Makers". Peering inside, he saw groups of developers pouring over old boxes. Inside the boxes were titles like "Donkey Kong", "Bomberman", "Robotron" and the like. On one programmers screen he saw a 3D Donkey Kong moving around. The graphics were blocky, the textures were flat, but the programmer still looked happy. It turns out this room housed all the programmers that were to cash in on old titles by re-making crappier, modern versions. Sadly, this room would stay in use until the very end of the N64's lifespan, right up until Castelvania bombed. Rolling his eyes, my teacher continued to walk along.

Finally, he had arrived at the Pokemon Recording Studio. Behind him was the big controller 2 port, and if you walked along the controller cable tunnel you'd eventually reach the 2nd lounge for employees, stocked with Jolt, Japanese ramen and beef jerky. The HR department had just installed a rack with Playboy's, due to the complaints from workers that hours of looking at a 3D Zelda had made them all creepy. My teacher opened the door to the studio and stepped inside.

"Hey! Glad you could make it Ronaldo!" The agent he met yesterday bounded forward to greet him. "Let's get you cleaned up and ready to meet the cast!"
"Err, what do you mean cleaned up?" My comp sci teacher thought his Armani shirt, Prada shoes and Versace slacks were good enough.
"No way buddy! We've got to have you looking the part!"

"Looking the part", as the agent put it, meant that my teacher had to wear everything Pokemon themed. Bulbasaur slippers, a Pikachu hat, and a shirt and pants with a Pokemon theme. Even his glasses were replaced with Zapdos shades, which emitted an ear-piercing squawk whenever he moved. Fortunately, the cast was also decked out in similar fashion. He met with all the voice actors, including the old man who did Pikachu's voice.
"Huh, I thought it would be a girl or a small child who did Pikachu ..." my teacher inquired.
"Yeah, they're pretty good, but this guy was recommended from Satoshi Tajiri himself! We've never gone wrong with him! He also does some of the women's voices too!" the agent answered.
"Okay Ronaldo, here's your big chance! We're going to start the show with a battle, so how about you try for the voice of Ursaring?"
"Umm ... Ursawhatnow?"
"Oh yeah, sorry bout that! You're the big bear that's attacking first!" The agent pointed up to the screen, where a male had just finished saying "Ursaring! Go!" and threw a pokeball.
"Alright, I think I got it ..." my teacher screwed up all the talent he had, and said "Ursaring Ursaring". Too bad it was more monotonous then the hum of the fluorescent lights above him.
"Err ... Ronaldo? Are you feeling all right?" The agent looked at him questioningly.
"Yeah sure. C'mon c'mon, this is my first day. I'm just a little scared y'know!" My teacher joked with him.
"Hey bud, no problem! We all have these kinda experiences! We can let Frank there take care of Ursaring, why don't you try for a different voice? Umm ... how bout Bellossom?"
Once again, my teacher looked dumbstruck. "Ronaldo, it's the Hello Kitty reject with a green color scheme." Once again, my teacher tried to focus on the image of a Bellossom. He tried to picture the sweet, high-pitched voice. He tried to absorb the amiable and sensitive nature of the Pokemon into his system.
"Bellossom!" My teacher voiced. But just like his past attempt, this one failed: the word came out as a high-pitched caterwaul in the beginning, then dove deep into a cavernous grunt. My comp sci teacher looked around for support; there was none given.
"Look Ronaldo, do you mind if we have a word outside? Roger, you take over as Bellossom, and Julie can replace for Houndour. Continue on."

Outside, the agent pointed to the door. "I'm sorry Ronaldo, I guess you're just not cut out to be a voice actor for Pokemon."
"But, I tried my hardest! Don't I get any credit for that!"
"Sure you do buddy! Just see the guard outside! He'll give you a Pokemon gift pack and a certificate for 2 years of Nintendo Power!" The agent patted him on the back, and slowly guided him towards the door. "I even tried to help you out. Ursaring and Bellossom were the easiest voices in the whole show. If you can't do those, then how can I rely on you to do Lugia and Ash's Great-Aunt?"
They were walking past the door marked "Old Money-Makers", when he stopped. "Hey! I've got an idea! Why don't I help you guys program a couple of games for the N64?"
The agent stared at him. "Do you have any experience in programming?"
"Are you kidding me?! My talent in computer programming is so great I have to donate blood to the gods in order to re-imburse them!"
"That's great! I'll let the boss know that you're working there, and you can start tomorrow!" The agent looked at my comp sci teacher cautiously. "You DO program better than you voice act right?"
"I guess so."
"Grreeeaaattt! Good luck Ronaldo!"

And this is where we end it. My comp sci teacher helped program Donkey Kong 64 and various other craptacular games. Near the end, when the N64 was almost dead, he was also responsible for transferring N64 games into ROM format and posting them on Kazaa. So if you wanna kill him because you passed Ocarina of Time over for DK64, or just wanna congradulate him for getting you a free copy of SSB, e-mail him.

FYI: here's pics of Ursaring and Bellossom for all those poke-illiterate people (you guys are gay)

Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.Posted Image, might have been reduced in size. Click Image to view fullscreen.

Author:  jonos [ Mon Mar 08, 2004 7:49 pm ]
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Little Known Fact OTD (what does that mean "OTD"):

My compsci teacher came from Scotland and has a funny haircut and accent which she was cursed with after seeing the Loch Ness Monster mating with a female giraffe cross swine cross dog, odd sort of animal. The government sensing the repurcusions that her testifying would make, decided to deport her to Canada and put a tiny bomb in her brain that is sensitive to her saying "The Loch Ness Monster". So she can't say that, even when she wants to call us "lochys" for some reason. So after arriving in Canada, she decided that writing a book would not be the greatest way to patch things up with her native Scotland, so she decided to become the student of a 200-year-old buddhist monk and attempt to achieve complete and total Nirvana while yelling obscene remarks to the little gold statue at the front of the temple.

After being "relieved" of her ability to study with her teacher, she decided she needed a change and decided to head to the University of Waterloo to study medicine and most importantly the effects of massive amounts of absinthe on the brain. Knowing she to be a very gifted student of the procurment of herbs and home-remedies, her professors advanced her straight into med-school. After studying under a 17-year-old medicinal guru, my compsci teacher finally decided that the study of medicine wasnot for her, mainly because she didn't like the naked, old, wrinkly, bodies of dead men.

After dropping out of medschool half finished, her travels brought her to Queens University, and she decided that she needed to study the future, which then she came to the conclusion through long thought and research that "the future" involved knowing about a seemingly inept object known as a "computer" in the western world.

to be continued at a later date...

MOD EDIT: OTD means "OF THE DAY". Any reader would know that. It's kinda peeving me that you want to post here despite your lack of knowledge. I'm watching

Author:  Dauntless [ Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:40 pm ]
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Naoki is a fascist about his thread! Who are you to say you're peeved? Way to be an ass! "I'm watching" like it means something! Oooh, maybe we should be scared?

Yeah, that's right, delete this post! Delete it! Delete it------------------------------------------------------------
-Renegade Transmission Ended-

Author:  naoki [ Wed Mar 17, 2004 5:36 pm ]
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I believe that it's time make up - err ...... RECOUNT a "new" chapter in my comp sci teacher's history. I'll prolly never be able to get back my crazy ass storymaking like before, so I'll start on this one.

LKF OTD: my comp sci teacher once embarked on a journey to save the world. Yes, I know it sounds cliche, but he seriously was the only guy who could do it. The interesting thing was, the people he met along the way were kinda weird. Fit the stereotype much too well, y'know?

Well it all started one morning when my comp sci teacher woke up to the sounds of war. Why war? Because a large meteor was threatening to come destroy the Earth! And on top of that, the evil group who was responsible for this also incited war between the countries!!! Oh what was a boy to do? Naturally, despite his lack of military training and a wooden sword for a damn weapon, my teacher just felt like he had to go save the world. It was almost like a controller was making him to do it.

My comp sci teacher immediately got out of bed, with his full armor and equipment on and did an 8-bit stretch. After stretching he ran into a hole in the wall which was a door and was magically transported outside into his village. Asking the people, he was given no straight answers, with some stupid shit like "Oh my, these chickens are certainly looking lovely today!" or "I've really got to be going right now!" despite the fact that you were stopping him merely by standing in his path.

Out of patience, he head to the local wise man, who also happened to be a pervert. After giving him a porno magazine (which he got by beating 12 enemies of the same type), the old man told him that his father was responsible for the technology to bring the meteor down!

My comp sci teacher thought back. His father had always been distant, about as distant as a 64 x 64 screen could allow. His pre-made path of movement never crossed my teacher's, so they rarely ever talked. He knew his father was a brilliant scientist, but his dad never talked about the work he did.

Now he knew. His father was .......... a weatherman.

"Umm, how can a weatherman bring down a meteor?" my teacher asked the pervert.
"You'd best be on your way if you want to stop him!" the pervert answered cheerfully.
Of course, my teacher knew that that was all he could say after the scripted event was over, so he shrugged his shoulders, stole a potion from the man's treasure chest, and ran through the hole.

My teacher was just about to leave when his two oldest friends, an extremely hot tomboy named Sofia and a cocky dark wizard named Ralf stopped him. They explained that since this town was about to be destroyed approximately an hour into the game/story, they might as well go with my teacher to seek some adventures.

After falling in single file and saving their file, my teacher and his friends set off, to save the world. They walked to the bottom of their screen, and were immediately transported to the forest outside their village. A forest ......... of DEATH!!!

EDIT: props to AZN_S for this idea a while back. Of course, it's all mine now!!!!

Author:  naoki [ Thu Mar 18, 2004 4:51 pm ]
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LKF OTD: Okay so the last place where we left off was I believe the forest of DEATH. Now, as we all know from our RPG playing that forests often contain a sickly forest spirit and some nasty rabbits and mushrooms. Sure enough, the mushrooms and weird green thingies (imagine the things from Chrono Trigger) were teeming with evil when our heroes got in.

My comp sci teacher, being the stereotypical hero with his balanced stats and crappy starting weapon, immediately began running into enemies whenever one crossed his path.

"Dammit man, why do we keep gotta fighting these stupid animals?" Ralf asked my teacher.
"We gotta raise our fighting level. We're currently at level 5, while the boss we fight at the end of the path is at level 12"
"Umm, how did you know that? And how did you know our levels?" My comp sci teacher looked at Ralf, and shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to explain the START menu to him?
"Hey look! Another enemy! GET HIM!!!!" and so my teacher deftly avoided explaining it to Ralf.

At the end of the trail, after sleeping on the ground to revive themselves, throwing away their old clothes in order to wear "tin plated" ones, and having my teacher consume 3 turkeys and several "potions" to restore his HP, they had at last gotten to the last enemy. How could he tell? They funny noises in his head, almost like music, changed to an ominous theme.

Ahead of them stood a figure lying on the ground, covered in a black mist.
"The fairy of the forest!" exclaimed Sofia as her 8 bit cleavage bounced about. She readied her sword and her leather outfit clung tighter to her body.
"So this is the fearsome beast that's been keeping the forest spirit hostage eh?" my teacher said, pointing to a glowing mess of colors and materials.
"Err, no. That's just a programming glitch. The programmers weren't very good at debugging" said Ralf. "THAT's the boss" he said, pointing to a black tree.

Of course, as we all know by now, the heros had to fight for approximately 10 minutes before they defeated the boss. So they did, and during the time they had to revive Ralf 2 times because he fainted and gave Sofia the antidote for poison. After dancing around because they had gained "860 XP" and watching the tree glow for a while then disappear, they cautiously approached the spirit.

No medicine was needed of course; the spirit immediately switched from black sprite to the original sprite. As it turns out, the spirit was actually a 10 year old fairy. She looked up at her saviors and her eyes immediately fell on my comp sci teacher. She quickly confessed her love for him, and declared that the day when she becomes a full-strength fairy she would come back to him and they would get married. Going into his bug-eyed 8 bit sprite, my comp sci teacher freaked out at the notion that only 30 minutes into the game and he was already engaged.

So after dashing back from hence they came (conveniently, no more enemies could be found. My teacher was deeply saddened), they found a new path before them. It led into a cave. The cave gave off anothe weird music, so Sofia realized that it was evil. Big surprise. As they approached the cave, the wooden sign on the right told them "EVIL CAVE SEALED BY A SPELL. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT"

Though rather frank, the sign convinced our heroes to set off on another new path, this time towards a bustling city which happens to have a former hero living there. Who is it? Find out next time!

Author:  naoki [ Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:16 pm ]
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LKF OTD: when we last left our heroic trio, they had just escaped the forest of DEATH and were stopped at the mouth of an evil looking cave, because they didn't have a certain item. This item, they thought (and would be correct in guessing) that the item would be somewhere in the neigboring town. Ralf was anxious to sleep at a pricey inn, and Sofia wanted to harass all the villagers until each one repeated their greeting 10 times. With a crazy zig zagging motion caused by the player controlling with one hand while the other drank Mountain Dew, they entered the gateway into the town.

Immediately after being transported into town by an opening in the trees, a scripted event took over. Sofia pointed to the exclamation marks above their heads, indicating that something surprising would be coming their way. Sure enough, a very hot female ran blindly into my comp sci teacher, knocking him on his feet. My teacher wasn't injured though, merely positioned differently, due to the programmers using a rotated sprite of him standing.

The girl flung her arms around my teacher, and apologized profusely. She explained that several bad thieves were after her because she had taken one of her prized items. The girl explained more that she needed the item because her family needed the money to survive. The thieves had pillaged the town (and their women), and because the storyline said so, they villagers could only stand by and watch.

Though reluctant to help, my comp sci teacher couldn't ignore the catchy fight tune in the background, urging him to accept the side mission. Besides, whenever he said "No" to her request, she would just ask the damn question again. Bitch. So Ralf asked where their hideout was, and she said she would lead them to it. She wanted to get some revenge on them as well.

And so our valiant heroes walked through another forest, this one a little darker (well, the artists just chose "dark green" instead of "green" for the colors) and a little more evil. The mushrooms and rabbits seemed extra strong, and the level 5 bats were a sure sign that they were walking towards evil. But the heroes didn't mind. Ralf had just learned a neat little technique which involved hurtling his body at high speeds towards his opponent. It dealt massive damage, but he fainted afterwards. Sofia was smiling because she had collected enough money to buy steel plated outfit, although it still showed off her curves. My comp sci teacher was happy cuz he got to sneak peeks whenever the girl bent over to examine the flowers.

Suddenly, a bomb dropped in front of them, and the pesky group of thieves appeared before them. They snatched the pretty girl away from my teacher, and ran off into the hole on the far right.

"After them!" cried my teacher, brandishing his Iron Blade, Wooden Shield, and Kid's Boots (he's kinda poor at the moment).

Appearing on the other side of the hole, they found themselves face to face with the girl and the thieves. Except ... she was standing with them smiling! She had tricked them all along!

The girl explained that she was in fact the leader of the thieves, and she had lured them here in order to take away their belongings. My comp sci teacher swore loudly, and said he'd put a stop to them no matter what it took. The girl laughed, and ordered her men to attack, while she ran further back into another hole in the forest.

The trio quickly dispatched the foes because of their upgraded goods, and they ran after her. In the next clearing, they found her in a meditative pose. Suddenly, her body began to glow, and the item she was carrying before was glowing with her. In an ominous voice, she said that the object gave her immense power, and that our heroes couldn't stop her even if they levelled up 20 times!

"Ha! You fool! I knew you were just a pretty face!" my teacher exclaimed. "All players know that the hero doesn't die so early in the game! He does so later in a greater battle so that a country can be saved!" And with that, they created their classic formation and began the attack.

Will our heroes win? Sure they will! I just told you dammit! But you still gotta keep reading!

Author:  naoki [ Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:10 pm ]
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LKF OTD: Last we left off, our courageous heroes were about to face off against the boss of a gang of thieves. Ralf's attack bar charged up first, so he attacked right away. Unfortunately, he decided to attack the head first, instead of the arms. This proved disastrous, as any RPG'er knows that bosses must always be disabled before being killed (Final battle with LAVOS is a good example). The female leader merely sidestepped his swipe, and knocked him back with a Violent Spinning Wind. Ralf glowed because of his injuries, and so Sofia took his place. She had her MP bar charged, and initiated her "Ice 1" magic attack. Shards of ice came flying towards the boss, but such a weak magic attack is really meant for harassing the "dark" bees, not a boss like her.

Finally it was my comp sci teacher's turn. Feeling a wave of anger rush to his head from seeing his injured teammates, he rushed blindly with his blade towards the woman. She smiled, and was about to deliver a devastating AHVB (10 bits to anyone but Azn_S who knows what this is) as she hopped off the ground, when from the sky came a green streak flying at her. It cut her gun in half, stopping the attack, and knocked both her and my teacher on their feet.

He looked at what delivered the blow, and saw that it was the forest spirit they saved before. She was still pretty shrimpy, and he was pretty sure she'd get smoked. He was right. The hit before was just a lucky shot, and the boss lady easily got 35 hits off her AHVB (mashing off course. The trick is to rub over the buttons, not tap them) when the spirit rushed towards again, yelling like a banshee. To make things worse, since the programmers sucked, her voice WAV got mixed up with the background music for the carnival scene. The little figure dropped to the ground where she lay glowing in low HP pain.

Up until this point, my teacher was conciously counting the number of injuries his team had sustained. Why you ask? Because in all shows, we know that it takes a certain number of hits before the protagonist goes critical and rapes the boss with a new move. "Dammit", my teacher thought to himself, "I need one more hit on one of us". He was looking at his little armband, which showed a plotline guide that he downloaded off GameFAQ's.

"Har har! That was a lucky hit you whore! I'm coming for yah now!" Ralf shouted at the woman as he brandished his staff and ran to her.
"You might wanna look behind you kid" the woman pointed behind Ralf, just as the handle of my teacher's blade hit him on the back of the head.
"Score! Thanks Ralf, that was perfect!" my teacher shouted happily, as the counter on his armband showed it was time to save the day.

Sure enough, red flames began to surround his body, and in his mind he began to see images of a new attack: a juggle with his sword producing massive damage. Some would call it a "Leonheart", but those people are stupid. This isn't Final Fantasy you dicks. Anyways, he smiled at the woman, knowing that he was fully powered up and was about to destroy her in one combo. Flying towards her, blade out, he hit and she flew up in the air, or at least 3 character sprites upwards. My comp sci teacher's blade moved faster than a fly's wings, and the sparks coming from her body showed the damage racking up.

But as the two were falling down, the woman somehow recovered, cocked her cannon, and AHVB'ed my teacher, her gun ripping into my teacher's shabby armor.

"What the fu-" but he was cut off, the pain causing him to black out.

Of course, you're all wondering what now right? Who else could save the day? Well if you look behind my teacher just a little bit, you'll see the little spirit girl getting awful angry. I don't think she liked the fact that the woman just hurt the spirit's future husband. If you look to the side, you can see Sofia and Ralf smoking a joint and looking damned relaxed. THEY knew all along, but I guess Ralf didn't wanna say anything cuz he was pissed about the friendly fire.

I guess you anime lovers shoulda predicted this eh? The little one, usually the most annoying and helpless, is usually the strongest member, sometimes surpassing the main character. Well this little spirit doesn't disappoint. Her glowing green eyes and emerald lightning shooting off her body is a good indication. Channelling her powers into her palms, she released a massive fireball towards the woman. Since early bosses don't have a counter item or ability, she had no choice but to take the full blast of this magic attack. Her HP dropped faster than a fat man on a 2 legged stool and she lay before the heroes, dazed and dropping items everywhere.

The little spirit told Ralf and Sofia to take care of my comp sci teacher, and to tell him that this was a small show of affection on her part. Running off to the left (an exit, I guess), the two were left to pick up the gold coins scattered about. Better yet, they could now take the item they needed from the boss, that same item they needed to enter the cave. Ralf held it up proudly as the "win battle" theme played, and Sofia merely shook her head and hefted my teacher on her shoulder.

"Hey Ralf, let's go. We need to go to town and stock up on crappy potions that only heal 1/3 of our health" Sofia called to him.
"Yeah! And we need to activate a couple scripted events so we can do meaningless tasks for the citizens in exchange for crappy items that we could've gotten by beating tougher enemies."
"Well duh Ralf, that was a given."
"Don't forget to steal people's items from the chests in their houses. Breaking and entering is hot".
Sofia rolled her eyes, and they walked towards the town.