LKF about My CompSci teacher OTD (get permission to post)

[naoki]

LKF OTD: when we last left our heroic trio, they had just escaped the forest of DEATH and were stopped at the mouth of an evil looking cave, because they didn't have a certain item. This item, they thought (and would be correct in guessing) that the item would be somewhere in the neigboring town. Ralf was anxious to sleep at a pricey inn, and Sofia wanted to harass all the villagers until each one repeated their greeting 10 times. With a crazy zig zagging motion caused by the player controlling with one hand while the other drank Mountain Dew, they entered the gateway into the town.

Immediately after being transported into town by an opening in the trees, a scripted event took over. Sofia pointed to the exclamation marks above their heads, indicating that something surprising would be coming their way. Sure enough, a very hot female ran blindly into my comp sci teacher, knocking him on his feet. My teacher wasn't injured though, merely positioned differently, due to the programmers using a rotated sprite of him standing.

The girl flung her arms around my teacher, and apologized profusely. She explained that several bad thieves were after her because she had taken one of her prized items. The girl explained more that she needed the item because her family needed the money to survive. The thieves had pillaged the town (and their women), and because the storyline said so, they villagers could only stand by and watch.

Though reluctant to help, my comp sci teacher couldn't ignore the catchy fight tune in the background, urging him to accept the side mission. Besides, whenever he said "No" to her request, she would just ask the damn question again. Bitch. So Ralf asked where their hideout was, and she said she would lead them to it. She wanted to get some revenge on them as well.

And so our valiant heroes walked through another forest, this one a little darker (well, the artists just chose "dark green" instead of "green" for the colors) and a little more evil. The mushrooms and rabbits seemed extra strong, and the level 5 bats were a sure sign that they were walking towards evil. But the heroes didn't mind. Ralf had just learned a neat little technique which involved hurtling his body at high speeds towards his opponent. It dealt massive damage, but he fainted afterwards. Sofia was smiling because she had collected enough money to buy steel plated outfit, although it still showed off her curves. My comp sci teacher was happy cuz he got to sneak peeks whenever the girl bent over to examine the flowers.

Suddenly, a bomb dropped in front of them, and the pesky group of thieves appeared before them. They snatched the pretty girl away from my teacher, and ran off into the hole on the far right.

"After them!" cried my teacher, brandishing his Iron Blade, Wooden Shield, and Kid's Boots (he's kinda poor at the moment).

Appearing on the other side of the hole, they found themselves face to face with the girl and the thieves. Except ... she was standing with them smiling! She had tricked them all along!

The girl explained that she was in fact the leader of the thieves, and she had lured them here in order to take away their belongings. My comp sci teacher swore loudly, and said he'd put a stop to them no matter what it took. The girl laughed, and ordered her men to attack, while she ran further back into another hole in the forest.

The trio quickly dispatched the foes because of their upgraded goods, and they ran after her. In the next clearing, they found her in a meditative pose. Suddenly, her body began to glow, and the item she was carrying before was glowing with her. In an ominous voice, she said that the object gave her immense power, and that our heroes couldn't stop her even if they levelled up 20 times!

"Ha! You fool! I knew you were just a pretty face!" my teacher exclaimed. "All players know that the hero doesn't die so early in the game! He does so later in a greater battle so that a country can be saved!" And with that, they created their classic formation and began the attack.

Will our heroes win? Sure they will! I just told you dammit! But you still gotta keep reading!

[naoki]

LKF OTD: Last we left off, our courageous heroes were about to face off against the boss of a gang of thieves. Ralf's attack bar charged up first, so he attacked right away. Unfortunately, he decided to attack the head first, instead of the arms. This proved disastrous, as any RPG'er knows that bosses must always be disabled before being killed (Final battle with LAVOS is a good example). The female leader merely sidestepped his swipe, and knocked him back with a Violent Spinning Wind. Ralf glowed because of his injuries, and so Sofia took his place. She had her MP bar charged, and initiated her "Ice 1" magic attack. Shards of ice came flying towards the boss, but such a weak magic attack is really meant for harassing the "dark" bees, not a boss like her.

Finally it was my comp sci teacher's turn. Feeling a wave of anger rush to his head from seeing his injured teammates, he rushed blindly with his blade towards the woman. She smiled, and was about to deliver a devastating AHVB (10 bits to anyone but Azn_S who knows what this is) as she hopped off the ground, when from the sky came a green streak flying at her. It cut her gun in half, stopping the attack, and knocked both her and my teacher on their feet.

He looked at what delivered the blow, and saw that it was the forest spirit they saved before. She was still pretty shrimpy, and he was pretty sure she'd get smoked. He was right. The hit before was just a lucky shot, and the boss lady easily got 35 hits off her AHVB (mashing off course. The trick is to rub over the buttons, not tap them) when the spirit rushed towards again, yelling like a banshee. To make things worse, since the programmers sucked, her voice WAV got mixed up with the background music for the carnival scene. The little figure dropped to the ground where she lay glowing in low HP pain.

Up until this point, my teacher was conciously counting the number of injuries his team had sustained. Why you ask? Because in all shows, we know that it takes a certain number of hits before the protagonist goes critical and rapes the boss with a new move. "Dammit", my teacher thought to himself, "I need one more hit on one of us". He was looking at his little armband, which showed a plotline guide that he downloaded off GameFAQ's.

"Har har! That was a lucky hit you whore! I'm coming for yah now!" Ralf shouted at the woman as he brandished his staff and ran to her.
"You might wanna look behind you kid" the woman pointed behind Ralf, just as the handle of my teacher's blade hit him on the back of the head.
"Score! Thanks Ralf, that was perfect!" my teacher shouted happily, as the counter on his armband showed it was time to save the day.

Sure enough, red flames began to surround his body, and in his mind he began to see images of a new attack: a juggle with his sword producing massive damage. Some would call it a "Leonheart", but those people are stupid. This isn't Final Fantasy you dicks. Anyways, he smiled at the woman, knowing that he was fully powered up and was about to destroy her in one combo. Flying towards her, blade out, he hit and she flew up in the air, or at least 3 character sprites upwards. My comp sci teacher's blade moved faster than a fly's wings, and the sparks coming from her body showed the damage racking up.

But as the two were falling down, the woman somehow recovered, cocked her cannon, and AHVB'ed my teacher, her gun ripping into my teacher's shabby armor.

"What the fu-" but he was cut off, the pain causing him to black out.

Of course, you're all wondering what now right? Who else could save the day? Well if you look behind my teacher just a little bit, you'll see the little spirit girl getting awful angry. I don't think she liked the fact that the woman just hurt the spirit's future husband. If you look to the side, you can see Sofia and Ralf smoking a joint and looking damned relaxed. THEY knew all along, but I guess Ralf didn't wanna say anything cuz he was pissed about the friendly fire.

I guess you anime lovers shoulda predicted this eh? The little one, usually the most annoying and helpless, is usually the strongest member, sometimes surpassing the main character. Well this little spirit doesn't disappoint. Her glowing green eyes and emerald lightning shooting off her body is a good indication. Channelling her powers into her palms, she released a massive fireball towards the woman. Since early bosses don't have a counter item or ability, she had no choice but to take the full blast of this magic attack. Her HP dropped faster than a fat man on a 2 legged stool and she lay before the heroes, dazed and dropping items everywhere.

The little spirit told Ralf and Sofia to take care of my comp sci teacher, and to tell him that this was a small show of affection on her part. Running off to the left (an exit, I guess), the two were left to pick up the gold coins scattered about. Better yet, they could now take the item they needed from the boss, that same item they needed to enter the cave. Ralf held it up proudly as the "win battle" theme played, and Sofia merely shook her head and hefted my teacher on her shoulder.

"Hey Ralf, let's go. We need to go to town and stock up on crappy potions that only heal 1/3 of our health" Sofia called to him.
"Yeah! And we need to activate a couple scripted events so we can do meaningless tasks for the citizens in exchange for crappy items that we could've gotten by beating tougher enemies."
"Well duh Ralf, that was a given."
"Don't forget to steal people's items from the chests in their houses. Breaking and entering is hot".
Sofia rolled her eyes, and they walked towards the town.